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Like many who grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, I walked everywhere I needed to go. My parents didn’t hand out cash; if I ever asked for some, they would have just laughed. And honestly, if Starbucks had existed back then, we probably wouldn’t have set foot in one—ever.
My parents frequently told me how much better I had it than they did. They reminisced about their own childhoods, where dining out was a rare treat, warning me to clean my plate whenever we did go out. I still recall my dad sharing that he had only two outfits during his teenage years. Their attempts to instill a sense of gratitude in me didn’t lead to appreciation; instead, they left me feeling unworthy of the privileges I had, which was quite confusing.
Fast forward to parenthood, and I found myself doing the same thing. When my kids complained about dinner or sulked over a Happy Meal toy they didn’t like, I reminded them of my own experiences of going without. One day, while discussing the chores I had to do as a kid, my son stopped me and said, “I didn’t ask to be born, and I’m not the one who assigns the chores.” That moment hit me like a ton of bricks—I sounded just like my parents, and it was cringeworthy. My lectures were falling on deaf ears, and my kids seemed to appreciate what they had even less.
Here’s the truth: my kids can’t relate to my childhood struggles. They don’t grasp the enormity of what I’m saying when I tell them how easy they have it. They might tune me out on a good day, so my attempts to impart wisdom only serve to create distance. Instead of validating their feelings, I was minimizing their struggles. Just because they have more resources doesn’t mean their experiences aren’t tough.
I realized that trying to make them feel guilty for circumstances beyond their control was unhealthy. I wanted to give them a better life than I had, and holding it over their heads was unfair. We’ve all been in situations where someone tells us, “It could be worse,” and it rarely inspires us to be our best selves.
Once I stopped comparing my childhood to theirs, I noticed a significant change in our relationship. My teens could experience their lives fully without feeling judged by my past. This shift opened up communication, and they began to share their struggles with me more openly.
Our teens are still kids trying their best; constant comparisons to our experiences can hinder their growth and trust in us.
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Summary: As a parent, I’ve realized that constantly reminding my Gen Z kids of their privileges doesn’t foster appreciation; instead, it creates resentment. By shifting my focus from comparisons to understanding their unique experiences, I’ve strengthened our communication and relationship.
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- Keyphrase: Parenting and Generational Differences
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