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Hard Lessons
Allowing my children to face setbacks is crucial for their growth.
By Sarah Thompson
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: March 28, 2022
My daughter decided to leave her summer job, despite my warnings that she might come to regret it. The pay was decent, the hours were manageable, and as someone who loves to spend, she was in a good position. However, she was resolute in her decision to quit. Since then, she has been unable to find another job, and her savings are now depleted.
I could have insisted she stay or tried harder to convince her not to quit, but after parenting three teenagers, I’ve realized the importance of letting them make their own mistakes. Sometimes, they need to experience failure firsthand. For instance, my son struggled with history during his sophomore year. Despite my repeated attempts to motivate him, nothing worked. Eventually, I made it clear that if he didn’t put in the effort or seek help, it was on him. He ended up failing the course and had to retake it. That experience changed him; he never failed a class again because he learned it was easier to do the work the first time than to face the consequences of not doing it.
I don’t view failure as a negative experience. It highlights areas where we can improve and sometimes teaches us to let go of paths that aren’t right for us. Watching my kids stumble is tough, but I believe it’s necessary for their development. Here’s why:
- Life Lessons: When kids face challenges and have to correct their mistakes, it creates a more profound learning experience than if we constantly intervene. They won’t develop resilience if someone is always there to rescue them.
- Appreciation for Success: Experiencing failure helps them value their achievements more. They understand that hard work pays off, and the success they earn is truly theirs.
- Faster Learning: No matter how many warnings we give, kids often need to learn through experience. Allowing them to make mistakes while they’re young prepares them to evaluate risks better in the future.
- Independence: Parents can’t be there all the time, especially as kids grow into their teenage years. If they learn to navigate challenges independently, we can feel more confident about their ability to handle difficult situations.
- Empathy Development: When my kids hurt someone’s feelings or make a mistake, having to make amends fosters empathy. Everyone makes errors, and learning to empathize with others is a vital life skill.
- Responsibility: Understanding that their actions have consequences encourages kids to take ownership. They become more willing to take risks and build confidence as they learn to solve their own problems.
Watching my kids fail is not easy. Every instinct tells me to step in and fix things for them. However, I know that if I swoop in to save them every time, it could lead to greater difficulties down the road.
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