I Never Want the Newborn Stage to End

pregnant woman in yellow flower dress holding her belly

A tiny head rests on my shoulder, sound asleep, mouth agape. I can feel her gentle breaths, the rise and fall of her chest. The scent of her breath is enchanting, and I find myself showering her with kisses, lost in an unattainable level of joy and tranquility. My typically anxious mind is surprisingly at peace. This moment is unparalleled, a unique euphoria that only comes with having a newborn.

I’m captivated by the enchanting details of my little one. Their silky skin, perfectly curled eyelashes, and delicately folded ears draw me in. Those tiny, long fingernails and the adorable wrinkled toes—don’t even get me started on those precious toes! The fragrance of their freshly washed hair and the gentle folds of their neck leave me in awe. Each startle, yawn, sneeze, and stretch feels like a glimpse into the universe’s mysteries. I could gaze at them forever.

The attachment we share provides me with immense comfort. Our bond is simple yet profound, a natural connection that sustains us both. For me, the rush of oxytocin is more effective than any medication. There’s no rebellion, no pushing away, just pure acceptance of my overwhelming love. I wish I could envelop my children in this affection indefinitely. Cradling them, nursing them, and wrapping them in cozy fabric carriers calms my restless thoughts and soothes my anxious spirit. It’s my ultimate bliss, my most genuine sense of fulfillment.

I find relief in the limitations that come with having a newborn. The pressures of everyday life fade away during those initial months. Days are spent in sweatshirts stained with spit-up, snuggled under warm blankets, with minimal distractions. Siblings gather around for family movie nights, and despite the inevitable chaos, everything feels just right.

Yet, this newborn phase is fleeting. It’s an all-consuming whirlwind that passes in an instant, leaving little behind. Umbilical stumps eventually fall away, toes grow stinky, and swaddles are stored away. As my fourth and final baby toddles through the kitchen, calling my name, I’m hit by a wave of grief.

It’s a selfish kind of grief, one that brings its own guilt. At the same time, I am profoundly grateful for the blessings in my life. But I can’t help but yearn for more. I want to embrace the journey ahead with my four growing children while still holding a tiny human close to my heart. The thought of never experiencing that joy again feels unbearable.

So, how do I let go? I’m striving for a shift in my mindset. I’m focusing on the gratitude I have for the present rather than lamenting what’s past. I’m attempting to embrace the exciting stages that lie ahead. I envision a life filled with the freedom that older kids bring—children who can walk, feed themselves, and use the toilet. I’m limiting my social media exposure, as the endless stream of cooing infants set to heart-wrenching music is too much to bear. Most importantly, I’m giving myself time, hoping that one day, the ache won’t feel so profound.

One day, I’ll see a newborn without longing for another of my own. Someday, I’ll browse through old hospital photos without a desperate wish to return to that time. Eventually, I hope to find that bliss in other areas of my life. Someday. But not today.

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In summary, the newborn stage is a time of unparalleled joy and connection, but it is also fleeting, leaving many parents with a bittersweet longing for those moments to last forever. While the transition to later stages of parenting can bring freedom, it’s essential to navigate the emotions tied to the end of this phase with gratitude and patience.

Keyphrase: newborn stage emotions
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