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It feels like the new Pixar film, Turning Red, was crafted just for me. I was born with the essence of a red panda — someone who has always found it easy to convey my intense emotions. Throughout my upbringing, I expressed my feelings without hesitation, whether it was anger or indignation. I never needed to physically transform; I lived in that heightened emotional state.
In the movie, 13-year-old Mei Mei morphs into a large red panda, embodying two key aspects of adolescence: the bodily changes that accompany puberty and the overwhelming emotions that arise during the pre-teen and teenage years. While it’s exhilarating to see puberty portrayed in animation, the director, Domee Shi, captures the intricate emotional landscape of young people in a way that resonates with me profoundly.
I was always expressive, emotional, and sensitive. Long before hitting puberty, my feelings — be it hurt, anger, or frustration — were impossible to hide. It was evident in my expressions, my posture, and if that didn’t make it clear, I would vocalize my feelings directly. Bottling things up was never an option for me.
Did this make parenting me straightforward? Not usually. Were my teachers grateful? Most of my report cards noted, “Jamie needs to raise her hand less.” Did it always make friendships easy? Not necessarily. As I grew older, I gradually learned how to channel my inner red panda effectively: advocating for myself, supporting the underdog, and taking charge in sports. While my red panda remained, she underwent a transformation.
Then I had a daughter, the only girl among three brothers. She, too, embodies the spirit of a red panda. Her energy and opinions are uncontainable. She shouts on the soccer field, debates with teachers, and shares her sharp wit with friends. I worry that her vibrant nature might be stifled as she navigates adolescence. I managed to avoid that fate, but will she?
Having already tamed my own red panda, witnessing my daughter’s vivid emotions brings back a flood of memories — some pleasant, others less so. To support her in maintaining her red panda spirit, I realize I need to reflect on my own approach. Here are some reminders that help validate her feelings without dismissing them:
- Never instruct her to “calm down” or imply “it’s not a big deal.”
- Offer empathetic phrases like, “I’m really sorry. That sounds tough.”
- Resist the urge to fix whatever situation she’s upset about, be it a sibling, friend, or teacher.
- Ask if she prefers some company, a hug, or time alone.
For nearly ten years, I’ve worked with girls of various ages to help them express complex emotions, both on and off the sports field. Society often pressures girls to be “nice,” leaving little room for their pain and frustration. As Rachel Simmons, author of Curse of the Good Girl, points out, if girls don’t learn to express their challenging feelings constructively, those emotions can manifest in harmful ways.
We don’t want our girls to bottle up their disappointment, anger, and loneliness — that path leads to secrecy and shame. We want our children to articulate their emotions, even if it feels uncomfortable for us. It’s essential that our girls trust us to handle their intense feelings. We should guide them in navigating their emotions rather than hiding them. Instead of fearing their inner red pandas, we must teach them how to embrace and utilize that energy.
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