Don’t Let the Shy Kid Slip Through the Cracks: The Importance of Individual Attention

Creating Special Moments Together

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As we stepped into the terminal at JFK, dragging our matching suitcases, my ten-year-old looked up at me, beaming. “Mom, we’ve never had a trip just the two of us!” he exclaimed. We were headed to Los Angeles, just the two of us.

This trip idea sparked after I noticed my son trudging to the school bus one gloomy winter morning, his hood up and shoulders drooping. It hit me then: I had been so consumed with my oldest child’s college FaceTimes, helping my high schooler with study strategies, and driving my youngest to soccer practices that I overlooked my middle child. My laid-back son, who could easily lose himself for hours in video games, had been left to entertain himself during a time when family life felt chaotic. On weekends, we were so relieved just to have made it through another week that we’d collapse on the couch, enjoying the quiet without realizing it wasn’t enough.

I felt guilty admitting it, but we needed to refocus our attention. I remembered when my second child was merely seven; it became evident he was getting overshadowed in our busy household. I made a conscious decision to prioritize him. That week, I surprised him with Oreos at the bus stop and stayed to watch his soccer practice. As we walked home, he asked, “Mom, what’s happening? First Oreos, then you came to my practice? Is it a special day?”

That experience taught me a crucial lesson: making a child feel cherished doesn’t require grand gestures.

It’s never too late to shine a light on a child who may feel overlooked. Acknowledging that they have been neglected and taking action to change that can be incredibly empowering for them.

So how can we make one child feel special amid the competing needs of family life? Here are a few strategies that have worked for us:

1. Prioritize Alone Time Over Extravagance

Initially, I contemplated taking my youngest to Los Angeles or treating both him and his sister to Disney World. I let him choose, and his only question was about which trip would allow for uninterrupted time with me. The allure of Disney lost its charm compared to having my full attention.

2. Keep it Simple

While our LA trip included some splurges thanks to unused travel funds, I learned that kids often crave the feeling of being noticed more than extravagant experiences. Simple gestures, like sharing a snack or attending a practice, can have a more profound impact.

3. Understand Their True Interests

During our LA adventure, we visited many famous sites, but when I asked my son about his favorite moments, he mentioned sharing a meal with me, seeing his baby cousin, and sleeping over at a friend’s house. It wasn’t the flashy attractions he cherished, but the everyday moments that mattered most.

On our flight back to New York, he turned to me, grinning, and said, “This was the best weekend ever!” I held his hand, grateful for that moment of connection.

For more insights on parenting and nurturing relationships, check out this other post and this excellent resource about home insemination.

Summary:

Making one child feel special amidst family chaos is essential. Simple, focused activities, rather than grand gestures, can create memorable connections. Alone time is invaluable, allowing children to feel seen and cherished.

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