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Empowerment
It’s not her responsibility to always smile and maintain harmony.
by Mia Chen
I can still picture myself at 7 years old, standing in a bowling alley with oversized shoes that smelled terrible. My cousin had taken my favorite ball, the one that sparkled like a purple galaxy. When I began to cry, my uncle laughed and said, “Did you think you were going to be a pro bowler? Only babies cry in public.” As the laughter echoed around me, I quickly wiped my tears and lowered my head to hide my disappointment.
Fast forward to my teenage years: my photo is selected by a local store to be displayed as an advertisement. An aunt points out the run in my stockings, magnified for everyone to see. “Couldn’t they have picked a better picture of you? One where you don’t look like a mess?” I attempt to laugh along with everyone else.
These moments, while seemingly trivial, are small cruelties every child faces, teaching them to suppress their feelings to avoid ridicule. As children, we fear being labeled as overly sensitive, leading us to conform. Unfortunately, this pattern doesn’t disappear in adulthood. The problem lies in how often malice is disguised as light-hearted teasing, which can actually be damaging.
Jump ahead to my early 30s: during a work lunch, a colleague jokingly compares me to Yoko Ono. As the table chuckles, I shyly smile into my drink. I know the drill. What’s the alternative—confronting him and making things awkward? Or jeopardizing the camaraderie we’ve built?
Months later, I’m pregnant and a stranger comments, “What are you, carrying twins?” I respond sharply, calling him out. He’s taken aback and mutters about sensitivity. This exemplifies a familiar pattern for many women: we are conditioned to be the social glue, making jokes at the expense of our own dignity. Self-deprecation becomes a reflex, and speaking out can have significant personal and professional consequences.
My 5-year-old daughter is sensitive and perceptive, often hurt by the thoughtless jests of others. When a relative laughed at her genuine expression, I saw her spirit dim. I felt a pang inside—a culmination of my own suppressed retorts. I told him, “Please don’t laugh at her.” He shrugged, saying, “She’ll have to toughen up.”
People who are sensitive are often told to “get over it,” while those doing the teasing rarely face repercussions for their words. This dynamic fosters an environment where individuals’ feelings are disregarded for the sake of group cohesion. But what does this camaraderie mean if it allows harmful behaviors, such as sexism and racism, to thrive?
Teasing can only be harmless if there’s mutual consent and an understanding of equal power dynamics. Adults teasing children rarely have this balance, and all too often it leads to exclusion and feelings of inadequacy.
I’ve caught myself teasing my daughter in jest, thinking it was innocent fun. But her reaction reminds me that my words impact her differently than I intend. She asserts, “That’s not nice. I don’t like being made fun of, Mama.” I realize she’s right; even if my intent is harmless, the effect can be damaging.
At a renaissance fair, a performer pulled me on stage against my will. Despite my discomfort, I stayed silent to avoid being seen as a bad sport. In hindsight, I regret not standing up for myself.
What I want for my daughter is to find her voice. She should learn to choose her battles wisely, but above all, she must recognize that her dignity is worth defending. I hope she can redefine what it means to be a “good sport,” embracing her boundaries and advocating for herself and others when necessary.
For more insights on this topic, check out this article about navigating social dynamics. If you’re interested in home insemination, Make a Mom provides excellent resources. Additionally, WomensHealth.gov is a valuable source for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
Search Queries:
- How to teach children about self-advocacy
- Why is self-deprecation harmful
- Understanding teasing and its effects on children
- Empowering girls to speak up
- Navigating social situations as a child
In summary, it’s crucial for my daughter to learn that her feelings matter and that she has the right to assert her dignity. By teaching her to prioritize her self-respect over societal expectations, I hope to empower her to navigate the complexities of social interactions with confidence.
Keyphrase: Teaching empowerment to children
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