Embracing Self-Care as a Single Mother: A Personal Journey

pregnant woman sitting on bed in blue dress with coffee mug

After welcoming three children into my life, self-care swiftly fell by the wayside, just as it does for many mothers. The spontaneous outings for pedicures with friends, leisurely afternoons spent flipping through magazines in bed, and the rare mental health days vanished from my routine.

I kept convincing myself it was okay; this was my new reality, and eventually, my children would grow up, allowing me to reclaim my personal time. I hurried through each day, prioritizing my kids by buying them new clothes while wearing old, tattered underwear myself. I hesitated to spend money on getting my hair done. My anxiety escalated, and despite my sister’s encouragement to seek help by providing me with her therapist’s contact, I made excuse after excuse.

“It’s too costly.”
“I can’t take time away from my kids.”
“Nothing catastrophic has occurred; I should just handle my life and stop being selfish.”

However, I began to feel the weight of my mental health decline after five years of marriage and three children. My ex-husband was (and still is) an incredibly involved father. He assisted around the house and urged me to enjoy time with friends or pamper myself with a manicure. He would take time off work to bond with the kids while I took a breather. He often pushed me to take a break, and eventually, I agreed.

But when we chose to divorce, I realized the harsh truth: no one was going to come to my rescue. No one would schedule spa days or therapy sessions for me or remind me to get to bed at a reasonable hour. I had to take responsibility for my own well-being and stop making excuses. It became clear that I needed to be deliberate about finding time for self-care.

For those single moms who excel at playing the “I don’t have time/money/support” game, I hear you. But I urge you to recognize that without making changes to prioritize self-care, you risk burning out. Time and money will always be concerns, but remember: you are more important. You’ll need every ounce of strength you can gather as a single mother, and neglecting your own needs won’t provide that.

Here are some strategies that significantly helped me:

Connect with Divorced Friends
This was one of the best decisions I made. Whether it’s a Facebook acquaintance or a long-lost high school buddy, having someone who understands your journey is invaluable. Sharing experiences with others who truly get it can lift your spirits, whether through weekly chats, texts, or meet-ups. My divorced friends were my lifelines.
Seek Therapy
It’s perfectly fine for your children to see you prioritizing your own needs with activities that benefit your mental health. Therapy can be particularly beneficial during monumental life changes like divorce. You may only need a few months of support, but don’t delay it if you’re struggling.
Explore a New Hobby
Discovering a new hobby can reignite your passion for life. Finding something to look forward to each day is crucial as you start anew. Why not explore that activity you’ve always wanted to try?
Treat Yourself
Stop putting yourself at the bottom of the list. You deserve a new outfit, a massage, or a weekend getaway. Once you pamper yourself a couple of times, you’ll feel rejuvenated and question why you waited so long to invest in your happiness.

If you’re interested in more insights on related topics, check out our other blog post here. For those looking for resources on home insemination, visit Make a Mom, a trusted authority in this field. Additionally, the NHS offers excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination.

Embracing Self-Care as a Single Mother: A Personal Journey

Here are some strategies that significantly helped me:

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