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When my kids were little, I assigned them small tasks around the house. Growing up, I had chores myself, so it felt natural to teach them how to put away their dishes, toss clothes in the hamper, and hang up their coats. They enjoyed having these little responsibilities, and I always emphasized that in our big family (I had three toddlers at once), everyone needed to contribute to keeping our home tidy.
As they matured, their responsibilities increased. My eldest took charge of taking out the trash daily and wheeling the garbage cans to the curb every Monday. My daughter was responsible for folding all the laundry, while my youngest helped put away dishes from the dishwasher until he was ready to do it independently.
I’ve never given my kids an allowance for completing chores. Now that they’re all teenagers, they understand they won’t be compensated for housework, and here’s why:
I Want Them to Be Capable.
I aim for my children to grow into self-sufficient individuals. I’ve taught them essential skills like doing laundry, vacuuming, mopping, and maintaining a clean living space. I don’t believe in exchanging money for picking up their rooms or doing simple tasks because these are just parts of everyday life. Their chores take just a couple of minutes, and I don’t think payment is necessary for that.
I Want Them to Appreciate Teamwork.
We all live under the same roof and share the responsibilities of our home. Just because I chose to have three kids doesn’t mean I should shoulder all the housework. If kids think the parent is the only one doing chores, they’ll adopt that mindset, leading to resentment. We function as a team, and when everyone pitches in, it makes life smoother for all of us.
I Compensate for Extra Tasks.
If my son, who drives, loads his truck and takes items to the dump for me, I pay him. When my daughter helps trim the shrubs or rake leaves, I offer her some money or ask if there’s something special she wants me to buy. Recently, my youngest helped me assemble a new bedroom set and dining room hutch, and in return, he chose a new Nike sweatsuit he liked. Everyone was satisfied with that arrangement.
I Show Appreciation in Other Ways.
Each of my kids has nice, new cell phones that I fully pay for. When they mention not receiving an allowance, I explain how much their phones cost and how their chores hardly equate to that value. I express my gratitude often, letting them know how much I appreciate their help. I also occasionally treat them when we’re at the mall or their favorite store, even if they haven’t recently completed larger tasks.
My daughter loves beauty products, while my sons enjoy candy and sweatshirts. If they want expensive shoes or anything beyond basic clothing, I’ll contribute to the cost, even though they have jobs and can buy things themselves. There’s an unspoken agreement that if they complete their chores well, they’ll be rewarded, even if it’s not through a weekly allowance. They assist me, and I’ll assist them.
I Want Them to Avoid a Sense of Entitlement.
As they prepare to leave home and enter the real world, I want them to understand that no task is beneath them. Simple skills like cleaning up after themselves are essential. If I never require them to do these chores, they might grow up thinking they’re exempt. Should they live with a partner someday, I want them to be accustomed to sharing household responsibilities. Nobody wants to live with someone who refuses to clean up after themselves or help with chores.
Of course, my kids sometimes express that it’s unfair they don’t get paid for household chores. However, I remind them that as adults, we don’t receive payment for maintaining our homes. Ultimately, I’m doing what all parents strive to do: preparing them for the future.
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