5 Comments You Should Avoid Making to a New Mother

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As a new mother, whether you’re navigating the aisles of the grocery store or connecting with fellow moms, there are certain remarks that can be more harmful than helpful. Having three kids myself, I’ve learned the importance of being sensitive to a new mom’s experience. Here are five comments you should steer clear of:

1. “Is your baby well-behaved?”

This question is perplexing. What defines a “bad” baby? Every baby has their moments, and if new moms want to share their challenges, they will. It’s a steep learning curve, and comments like this can unintentionally make them feel like their parenting skills are in question. Instead, ask how they are managing and let them guide the conversation.

2. “You look great for just having a baby!”

This can come across as insensitive. It implies that looking good after childbirth is surprising, given the physical and emotional toll new moms face. They are often juggling numerous challenges, including sleepless nights and adjusting to a new life. A friend of mine, who recently adopted a newborn, experienced this firsthand when a stranger commented, “You look good for having such a young baby.”

3. “When are you planning to have another child?”

This is likely the last thing on a new mom’s mind. If it’s their first child, they may need time to process this monumental change before considering another baby.

4. “I shed the baby weight in just x weeks.”

Please refrain from sharing personal anecdotes about weight loss. Each mother’s journey is unique, and the pressure to conform to certain standards can be overwhelming. After my first child, I was still in maternity clothes at two months, while an older family member shared her quick recovery story, which didn’t help my confidence.

5. Unsolicited advice of any kind.

Unless a new mom directly asks for guidance, she may not want to hear your tips on sleep strategies, weight loss, or self-care. Just because she mentions a struggle doesn’t mean she’s seeking advice. When a mother wants help, she’ll seek it out.

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In summary, being mindful of what to say (and what not to say) to new mothers can make a significant difference. Offering genuine support and understanding is far more beneficial than unsolicited advice or offhand comments.

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