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This is what pure joy looks like! As a mother, I strive to stay open-hearted and learn from experiences. Today, we ventured out to find new school shoes—a task my other kids, Alex and Max, dread, while my youngest, Jamie, and I absolutely love.
Shoe shopping has become a cherished ritual for us. I always make it a point to be fully present during these outings. I pay close attention to Jamie’s body language and expressions, observing where his eyes light up and where he hesitates.
As we approached the shoe aisle, I noticed we would pass by the “girls’” section before reaching the “boys’” area. When we passed by racks adorned with bright pinks, purples, and sparkly designs, Jamie’s face lit up. He instinctively leaned toward them but quickly pulled back, continuing toward the boys’ section.
I gently asked if he wanted to stop and explore, but he remained hesitant to express his true desires. So, we moved on to the boys’ shoes, where he tried on several pairs, each one met with a shrug and a disinterested, “They’re okay, I guess.” There was no excitement—just a quiet acceptance of a space that didn’t resonate with him.
Watching him, I realized how early we are conditioned to conform to societal expectations of who we should be and what we should like. This was a child raised in an environment where colors aren’t assigned to genders, where glitter is always welcomed, and where self-expression is encouraged. Yet, here we were, trapped in a moment of conformity in the middle of a shoe aisle.
A line from Glennon Doyle’s book Untamed echoed in my mind: “Ten is when we learn to be good girls and real boys.” Jamie was being stifled, and I was allowing it. So, I decided to take a quick detour.
As I walked away, doubts flooded my mind: “What if he faces ridicule?” “What if his friends don’t get it?” “What if the world stops him?” But then, another thought emerged: “What if he feels I’m restricting him?”
That was the turning point for me. I can support him through any challenges he faces, but I refuse to be the one who limits his self-expression.
I quickly found the sparkly, holographic high tops he had been eyeing and hoped they would fit. With excitement, I returned to him and exclaimed, “Look what I found in your size, buddy!”
The transformation was instant—there were fireworks of joy, laughter, and bright smiles. He exhaled deeply, releasing the tension of conformity. The thrill of being seen and validated was palpable. We tossed those shoes into the cart along with a second pair of pink and black ones for indoor use. Jamie couldn’t wait to get home and match his new shoes with a shirt and tie he had in mind.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s not merely about shoes. It’s about challenging the societal norms that dictate how we should express ourselves. It’s about empowering our children to embrace their identities fully and providing them with the freedom to be exactly who they are.
In the new song “Young Man” by The Chicks, there’s a poignant line: “You’re of me, not mine. Walk your own crooked line. It’s gonna be alright.” That’s my role as a parent; Jamie is of me but not mine, and it’s my duty to ensure he knows his parents will always support him. One small act of rebellion at a time, I want him to understand that he is not meant to fit into the world’s mold but to carve out his own unique path to happiness.
If you’re interested in learning more about parenting and self-discovery, check out this insightful blog post. For those looking into home insemination, consider visiting Make a Mom for expert advice, and Women’s Health for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
A mother reflects on a meaningful shopping experience with her son, Jamie, as he navigates the complexities of self-expression and societal expectations. Despite feeling drawn to sparkly shoes, he initially hesitates to embrace them due to societal conditioning. Ultimately, his mother encourages him to choose what he loves, reinforcing the importance of self-identity and challenging gender norms.
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