The Dull Monday Evening That Prompted My Decision to Stop Drinking

I don’t drink. Yes, even during COVID. There, I said it.

If your first reaction is to ask questions, I appreciate you. If you stare at me in disbelief or think I’m no fun, that’s on you.

This is complicated for me. I don’t see myself as an alcoholic. In fact, when I told friends I was going alcohol-free, many of them were taken aback. Some inquired how long this little life experiment would last, while others were outright disappointed. Lately, during the COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve heard many say, “You’re still not drinking — even now?!”

The truth is, I’m a driven and accomplished businesswoman, wife, and mom. My husband and I share a solid, loving partnership. Our children are happy, intelligent, and well-adjusted. We often have home-cooked dinners, and my kids never run out of clean clothes. I even whip up elaborate breakfasts on weekends. Our summer plans are organized by January, and I set the Thanksgiving table days in advance. It’s the stuff Type-A dreams are made of. I manage to keep everything running smoothly.

Nothing dramatic happened. No embarrassing moments.

So, why not just cut back or take a break?

I did—for a time. But it quickly became a hassle. I’d think, “I’ll only drink wine on weekends (unless Friday is off, in which case Thursday counts).” Or “I’ll just have a glass or two after the kids go to bed” (except as they got older, their bedtime stretched later). The chaos of the 2016 presidential election didn’t help, and let’s not forget vacations or the holiday season, which never seemed to count.

Then one uneventful Monday evening, my four-year-old padded into the kitchen in his footie pajamas, and I instinctively moved my glass of wine behind the coffee maker. It felt sneaky. This was my moment.

We often think that marriage and parenthood will lead to a more subdued lifestyle. My twenties and thirties were filled with sophisticated social drinking—brunches, post-work drinks, wine tastings, and trips to Napa Valley. So, I assumed that settling down in the suburbs would mean less drinking. But that wasn’t the case; it just looked different. Sure, there were still social gatherings, often kid-focused. But much of it involved Netflix and wine at home.

This is where “gray area drinking” comes in.

No one really discusses the ambiguous area of moderate drinking that borders on excessive. Am I drinking too much? Do I deserve this? Is there a link between moderate alcohol use and breast cancer in women (spoiler: there is, and it’s a conversation we need to have)?

That was me. No physical dependence, but my mental health was suffering. My life wasn’t as vibrant as it should’ve been. I realized that on nights I didn’t have multiple glasses of wine, I didn’t wake up anxious at 3 AM. On nights I did drink, I felt less focused and present the next day. I also started to feel resentful when anything interrupted my self-care routine (and let’s be honest, drinking every night isn’t self-care). To top it off, my family has a history of alcoholism.

So, without any fanfare, I rinsed out my glass, placed it in the sink, and committed to showing up for myself—a decision I am incredibly proud of.

Today, it’s been 2.5 years since that quiet Monday night, and my life is infinitely better and brighter without wine. Do I miss it? Occasionally, but life feels bigger and richer without it. I have more patience, and my relationships are deeper and more meaningful. The best part? I can now have open and honest discussions with my children about the spectrum of addiction—grounded in love and empathy rather than shame.

Imagine a world where we don’t normalize disordered drinking or teach our kids we drink because of them (looking at you, alcohol marketing). Instead, we celebrate moms who strive for more and want to send healthier messages to their children. I envision that world, and I want to live in it.

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In summary, my decision to stop drinking stemmed from a quiet realization that my mental health was suffering. Since then, my life has become richer, my relationships deeper, and I can openly discuss addiction with my children, fostering an environment of understanding and empathy.

Keyphrase: Stop Drinking Journey
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