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Updated: Jan. 20, 2022
Originally Published: Jan. 20, 2022
Tips for Engaging Teen Communication
My 16-year-old son has always been rather reserved. He’s not stubbornly silent, but he definitely communicates less than other kids his age. I remember back to his daycare days when I relied on his chatty classmates to fill me in on his daily escapades. I wasn’t asking them to gossip; I just wanted to know details about things like a kid swiping his nap mat or him being the top line leader. I craved information, and if it took bribing his talkative friends with candy, then so be it.
Sadly, his tendency to keep things to himself has persisted, and now I’m faced with a high school sophomore who often responds to inquiries with one-word answers. Did you ace your Geometry test? “Meh.” How was your day? “Tiring.” Anything exciting happen in tennis today? “No.”
The days of relying on candy-fueled sleuths ended when he reached middle school. So, what’s a determined mom to do? Here’s what I’m discovering:
Avoid Yes or No Questions
I’m not sure why I didn’t realize this sooner. Simple questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no” clearly don’t encourage conversation. I’ve been inadvertently inviting my son to remain silent for years. It’s time to ask more open-ended questions and see where the conversation leads.
Practice Regularly—Don’t Fear Deep Topics
They say practice makes perfect, and it holds true here. My previous method of asking yes/no questions was a dead end, but one thing I’ve done right is to consistently engage him. If you chat casually with your teen, they are less likely to perceive your efforts as intrusive. As noted by Psychology Today contributor Nancy Darling, before kids feel comfortable discussing deeper issues, they often prefer to talk about everyday happenings.
Refrain from Giving Unsolicited Advice
As shared by Raising Teens Today, the key is to show interest in your teen’s world, support them, and avoid judging or overwhelming them with questions. While I’ve managed to keep my judgments in check, steering clear of bombarding him with inquiries is challenging. Plus, any lecture is a guaranteed way to make a reserved teen retreat into silence. No one enjoys a lengthy lecture.
Naturally, there are numerous other strategies to explore, and I’ll try them all in hopes of finding the right mix that allows me to connect with my teen on a deeper level. Meanwhile, I’ll take to heart the insightful words of parenting columnist Tim Lott: “The best we can do is remain open. Not to pry too hard, but to simply let them know we are a safe space for comfort if they choose to seek it.”
For more on navigating parenting challenges, check out this other blog post.
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In summary, fostering open communication with a reserved teenager requires patience and an understanding approach. By asking open-ended questions, practicing regular conversations, and avoiding judgment, you can create a safe environment for your teen to share what’s on their mind.