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My partner and I often find ourselves at odds over various topics. One particular issue we clash over is the appropriateness of arguing in front of our children. While he believes that any disagreement should be kept out of sight, I maintain that a little conflict now and then can be healthy.
According to relationship expert, Dr. Emma Blake, who directs a prominent relationship research organization, arguments are a natural part of communication. “Disagreements are a normal aspect of family dynamics,” she explains. “It’s crucial to demonstrate resolution as well.”
Unfortunately, many parents begin an argument in front of their kids but don’t resolve it there, opting to continue their disagreement in private. This approach can be detrimental. Children learn by observing adult interactions, and if they only witness unresolved conflict, they may internalize unhealthy communication patterns. Therefore, it’s vital to show a little compromise and find common ground in front of your children. A simple hug to signify the end of a dispute can effectively illustrate that peace follows conflict.
Guidelines for Keeping Disagreements Respectful
However, not all arguments are constructive. Here are some guidelines for keeping disagreements respectful:
Avoid Provoking Conflict
It can be tempting to pick fights, especially after a long day. Recognizing patterns can help. If you often feel irritable in the evening, consider unwinding with some personal time to avoid unnecessary conflicts. If your partner is the one who instigates, take a moment for yourself—maybe go for a short walk or enjoy a relaxing bath.
Maintain Civility
Avoid resorting to insults, shouting, or finger-pointing. If your behavior mirrors that of feuding children, it’s time to reassess your approach. While you might reconcile later, the negative impact on your child can be lasting. Research shows that children who frequently witness intense arguments between their parents may experience emotional insecurity and behavioral problems later on.
Keep Children Out of the Dispute
It’s critical not to involve your children in your disagreements. Asking them to take sides can intensify the conflict and lead to emotional distress. Dr. Sarah Thompson, a child psychologist, warns that children may feel torn between parents, causing additional emotional strain.
Growing up, my parents always argued behind closed doors, which seemed ideal to many. However, this led me to believe that love equated to never disagreeing. As a result, I struggled to understand that healthy relationships can include differing opinions. Now, as a loving parent, I want my children to know that arguments don’t mean something is wrong. And that, my friends, is why I stand by my perspective.
For more insights on parenting and relationship dynamics, check out this post from our other blog.