Out of the ‘Baby Stage’ and Into My ‘Me Stage’

I married at 21 and soon began my journey to motherhood. It took six years to welcome our first child, three more years for our second, and another four to complete our family with a third. From ages 21 to 36, I was consumed by the “baby stage” — either pregnant, nursing, or actively trying to conceive.

Fifteen years passed — years when I was quite young. Had I taken a different route, those years might have been filled with parties or at least a bit more self-care. Instead, I focused on ovulation tests, cycle tracking, fertility treatments, and primarily on building my family. I have no regrets; it feels like I was destined to be a mother, and I wanted nothing more than my three little ones.

But they’re no longer infants. My youngest is now two, and she weaned a few months ago. My body is finally my own again. For the first time since I was 21, I am not nurturing a baby within me.

With my tubes tied, the baby stage is behind me. While there’s a touch of nostalgia, there’s also something else: freedom. Time to rediscover myself.

Now that my children are growing, I’m prioritizing my own needs — things I set aside as a new mom. I’m still devoted to my kids, but they require less of my constant attention. As they become more independent, it’s only fair that I explore who I am outside of motherhood. It’s crucial they see me as more than just their caregiver so they too can find their individual identities.

The first step in my self-prioritization was undergoing a panniculectomy, a surgery to remove excess skin and fat from my lower abdomen. As soon as my last child weaned, I began the process to get insurance approval, and I had the surgery a few months ago. I’m still plus-size, but I feel happier and more energetic than I have in years. The physical change has lifted a weight off my heart, allowing me to embrace life more fully.

This experience made me realize I had been putting my life on hold during the baby stage. While caring for my children has always felt instinctive, I didn’t recognize how much I was neglecting myself. My kids have everything they need; it’s not selfish to focus on myself occasionally.

For me, this “Me Stage” includes regular nail appointments, quality time with friends, investing in my skincare routine, and indulging in late-night crafting sessions. Guilt-free date nights are a joy now that I’m not leaving a nursing baby behind.

I have three years until I hit 40, and I’m determined to make the most of them. I’m engaging in activities that bring me joy and a sense of purpose beyond motherhood. By the time I celebrate my 40th birthday, I want to confidently say that I’ve taken care of everyone I love — including myself.

If you’re interested in learning more about fertility and home insemination, check out this resource for more information. You might also find helpful insights in our other blog post about fertility retreats here. For those considering self insemination, visit Make a Mom for expert advice.

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Summary:

This article reflects on the transition from a dedicated “baby phase” to a newfound “me phase” following years of motherhood. As the author embraces her independence and prioritizes self-care, she shares her journey of self-discovery and personal growth while also supporting her children in their development.

Keyphrase: Out of the Baby Stage and Into My Me Stage
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