70+ Hilarious History Jokes & Puns That Will Have Even the Most Knowledgeable Scholars Chuckling

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How well do you recall your middle and high school history lessons? More importantly, how much of what you remember is actually accurate? While it’s often said that failing to learn from history dooms us to repeat it, it can be hard to fit countless years of history into our already busy minds. However, one effective way to learn and retain information is through humor. Sometimes, jokes are just plain silly, but other times they can transform a historical event into something laughable, making it easier to remember.

Just a heads-up: these jokes won’t help your child ace their AP American History exam. However, they might elicit a few giggles or even an eye roll. So, as you prepare your kiddo’s lunch, consider jotting down one of these jokes to tuck into their lunch box. Or, while gearing them up for their first day of school, share a couple of these history-themed quips to ease their nerves. And if your kids have had their fill of your mom jokes, feel free to share these with your history-loving best friend or that co-worker who proudly displays a Leaning Tower of Pisa pencil holder.

Top History Jokes

Ancient Egypt Jokes

What’s an ancient Egyptian’s favorite restaurant? Pizza Tut!
How did courageous Ancient Egyptians write? With hero-glyphics.
Why was the pharaoh so arrogant? Because he sphinx he’s the best!
Why did the mummy visit a spa? He was all wound up.
Which pharaoh was a trumpet player? Tooting-khamun.
What did the pharaoh exclaim upon seeing the pyramid? “Mummy’s home!”
What’s a mummy’s favorite music genre? Wrap.
How do you ring an ancient Egyptian doorbell? Toot-and-come-in.

Viking Jokes

Why did the Vikings travel to England in longboats? It was too far to swim!
How do you reach the spirit of a Viking warrior? With a Nor-Ouija board.
Where do young Vikings spend time? In the Norsery.
My girlfriend warned me about my Viking obsession: “If you don’t stop, I’ll fight you to the death.” “Joke’s on you,” I replied. “If I die in battle, I’ll go straight to Valhalla.”
Did you hear about the Viking who came back to life? He was Bjorn again.
How did Vikings send secret messages? By Norse code.
What do you call a vegan Viking? A Norvegan!
Vikings had a tradition: to become a man, a child had to participate in a raid. As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.

Ancient Greek & Roman Jokes

What was the Romans’ greatest accomplishment? Learning to speak Latin!
How was the Roman Empire split in half? With a pair of Caesars.
What’s needed to excel at making Greek pottery? You have to urn it.
Where can you find Hadrian’s Wall? At the bottom of his garden!
What do you call a musician who just encountered Medusa? A rockstar!
Which Roman had hay fever? Julius Sneezer.
What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece? Troy Story.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons? He wanted to Mark Antony.
Why didn’t the Romans study algebra? Because X always equaled 10!
My lack of knowledge in Greek mythology is my Achilles’ elbow.
A Roman walks into a café and makes an “X” with his fingers. “Ten teas, please!”
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra? “Toga-ther, we can rule the world!”

Jolly Olde England Jokes

Why was Elizabethan England so rainy? Because the Queen reigned for 45 years!
What did Medieval postmen wear? Chain mail.
Why is the Medieval period often referred to as the Dark Ages? There were so many knights!
Where did Ivan the Terrible get his coffee? Tsarbucks.
Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8th!
Who constructed King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.
What do William the Conqueror and Kermit the Frog have in common? They share the same middle name.
When were Medieval armies too exhausted to fight? After a lot of sleepless nights!
Why was the king only one foot tall? Because he was a ruler.
What do you call a Medieval knight who is always confident? Sir Tainly.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe? He had no heir!
What was inscribed on a knight’s headstone? Rust in peace.
Why did Arthur prefer a round table? So no one could corner him!
What’s fruity and burns? The Great Fire of London.
What did Richard III say when asked about building a car park in Leicester? “Over my dead body!”
Which English royal family was the smartest? The Tudors.
What was Camelot known for? Its knight life.

American History Jokes

What type of tea did American colonists desire at the Boston Tea Party? Liberty!
Civil War jokes? General Lee doesn’t find them amusing.
Why did pioneers travel across the country in covered wagons? They didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train.
Heard the joke about the Liberty Bell? It cracked me up!
What does the Statue of Liberty symbolize? Because it can’t sit down!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? The Pilgrims.
What type of music did the Pilgrims enjoy? Plymouth Rock.
What do early European settlers in America and ants have in common? They both lived in colonies!
Abraham Lincoln had a challenging childhood. Did you know he walked eight miles to school every day? He should’ve woken up earlier and taken the school bus like everyone else.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army? Laugh-ayette!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America? It was too far to swim.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776? Independ-dance.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States? The second one.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what do two Wrights make? An airplane.

Even More History Jokes

Why did Columbus cross the ocean? To get to the other tide.
In which battle did soldiers queue outside a metal box? The Battle of Portaloo.
How does Moses brew his tea? He brews it!
Why did Captain Cook sail to Australia? It was too far to swim.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common? Their middle name.
Which explorer was the best at Hide and Seek? Marco Polo.
Why did the mammoth wear a woolly coat? Because he’d look ridiculous in an anorak.
Russian history in five words: “And then things got worse.”
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm? Because it was an early bird!
Who led the Australians into the promised land through a semipermeable membrane? Ozmoses.

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In summary, history can be both fun and informative, especially when jokes are involved! Not only do they lighten the mood, but they also help make historical facts more memorable. So, whether you’re sharing these jokes with your children or your history-loving friends, enjoy the laughter they bring!

Keyphrase: History Jokes and Puns
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