Fostering Connections: Helping My Kids Bond With Their Sister on the Autism Spectrum

By: Emma Johnson
Updated: Dec. 14, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 13, 2021

I’m the unique mom of two sets of twins—yes, you read that right! My older twins are 7, while the younger ones are just 4. Among the 4-year-olds, one communicates and interacts like a typical child, but my other daughter has a different journey. She was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder shortly before her third birthday and, aside from a few scattered words, she primarily communicates nonverbally.

Over the past year, her progress in therapy has been remarkable, and we’re incredibly proud of her achievements. However, her interaction with her siblings doesn’t mirror that of her twin sister, which can be challenging for everyone involved—especially her siblings, who often wonder why she doesn’t show the same interest in them.

Jealousy sometimes creeps in over the amount of attention I dedicate to my daughter with autism. It’s common for them to ask questions like, “Why does she get more attention?” or “Why does she eat something different?” But the hardest questions for me are when they ask, “Why doesn’t she like me?” Those words hit hard because I know that’s not true. Thankfully, I’ve discovered six effective strategies to help my kids connect with their sister.

1. Validating Their Emotions

When my daughter has a different meal from the rest of the family, and it causes distress, I make sure to acknowledge those feelings. I might say, “I understand you feel upset about having hamburgers while your sister has leftover pancakes; that does seem unfair.” Then, I explain, “Your sister has specific needs around food, just like I ensure you’re eating healthy meals.” If they still feel it’s unjust, I reassure them that it’s okay to feel that way.

2. Educating About Autism

To foster understanding, I explain autism to my kids in simple terms, emphasizing that their sister experiences the world in a unique way. We use inclusive resources like books and shows—Sesame Street is a favorite—to help them grasp her perspective.

3. Modeling Empathy

My daughter sometimes uses loud vocalizations to manage her feelings, which can be overwhelming. Instead of reacting with frustration, I demonstrate calming techniques, such as deep squeezing or gentle touches. It’s heartwarming to see my kids mimic these calming strategies, showing empathy and creating a safe space for their sister.

4. Family Playtime

Engaging in group activities allows us to explore enjoyable ways to play together as a family. My daughter loves sensory play, so we rotate through different sensory bins filled with various textures. Whether we’re crafting, roughhousing, or being silly, shared moments strengthen their bonds.

5. Understanding Triggers

I take time to explain to my children that while their sister might not respond well to personal space, she may also not be aware of their boundaries. We work through these situations with validation and understanding, helping everyone find common ground.

6. Prioritizing Quality Time

I initially thought all my children would receive equal amounts of time with me. However, I realized that each child has different needs, which sometimes means my daughter with autism takes up more of my time. I focus on providing one-on-one moments for each child, ensuring they all feel cherished and valued.

7. Accepting Differences

During Halloween, one daughter expressed concern that our daughter with autism would become overwhelmed, which often happens. Instead of making everyone endure the situation, I arranged for my mom to accompany us, allowing my daughter to leave if needed while the others enjoyed the festivities. I’ve learned that it’s perfectly okay to adapt our plans to ensure everyone’s happiness.

As a family, we embrace our unique dynamics and understand that “normal” is subjective. Letting go of preconceived notions about what a typical family should look like has improved the relationships among my children.

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Summary:

This article shares how a mother navigates parenting two sets of twins, one of whom has autism. By acknowledging emotions, educating her children about autism, modeling empathy, and prioritizing family time, she fosters a stronger bond among her kids. Accepting their unique family dynamic allows for healthier relationships and understanding of each other’s needs.

Keyphrase: Helping kids bond with sister with autism
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