A Rant Against the 3rd Grade Torture Device Known as the Recorder

Flashback: I’m sitting in third grade music class, a moment we’d anticipated since kindergarten. Our teacher sighed. “Today, you begin learning to play the recorder,” he announced. We cheered. He distributed our cream-colored instruments, and the room erupted into a cacophony of high-pitched shrieks and squeals as we blew into our new toys with zero finesse.

Years later, I can still play “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” I can recite its notes (BABA BBB…). But finding them on a G-clef? Forget it. We never learned that part. We only memorized note names. I can only imagine how worn out Mr. Jones must have been after enduring our noise for months. Listening to small children squawk out “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” for extended periods would have me reaching for a bottle of Stoli. I wouldn’t even bother hiding it; the principal would understand.

Why Do Kids Learn to Play the Recorder, Anyway?

My mom despised it. “Practice in your bedroom,” she would insist when I attempted to play in the living room. “Oh no, you sound wonderful,” everyone would tell me, but they were clearly lying. No one sounds good on a recorder. It’s weedy, wheezy, and shrieky. Were they trying to prepare us for high school clarinet? Oboes? Bagpipes?

Apparently, there’s a popular form of music education that promotes participatory music. Thus, kids learn to play the recorder because it’s cheap and plastic. In Canada, they use the ukulele, which is much less ear-piercing. But that involves complicated fingering and chords—maybe American kids aren’t up for that challenge, so we hand them the musical equivalent of an emergency whistle.

But don’t worry! The recorder was a big deal in the Renaissance, and some folks even write jazz for recorders today. Those people need their performance rights revoked. Forever. Except for Paul McCartney’s use in “Fool on the Hill,” which we can all agree is one of the worst Beatles songs.

Professional Musicians Think It’s A Bad Idea for Kids

“The recorder is not particularly suitable for children in their formative years. Its use in schools has turned it into more of an instrument of torture than music, potentially deterring generations from music-making altogether,” said Alex Thompson, a music educator, to a notable online publication. It definitely turned me off woodwinds for life.

Technically, the recorder is a type of flute, but a really bad one. Don’t try to convince me it’s beloved worldwide or has historical significance. It’s screechy and awful, and “The Fool on the Hill” is not great.

Lily Adams, the director of a recorder advocacy group, claims, “It is a professional instrument in its own right. Yes, it’s easy to play, but mastering it takes a lifetime.” Newsflash, Lily: my third-grade class couldn’t even manage a decent “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” let alone “The Fool on the Hill” or any avant-garde jazz piece. People can argue that it teaches kids to regulate their breathing, but they’re really just screeching for fun.

“I do sympathize with parents, but let’s be honest, a recorder is much easier on the ears than a beginner violin,” says Janet Wright, a board member of a prominent recorder society. Hey, Janet: let’s drop some truth here. When kids learn the violin, it’s unpleasant, but they actually learn musical notation. When they play the recorder, it’s just noise without any real progress. Violinists improve; recorder players usually don’t.

In the End, Did We Really Learn Anything?

Can any American adult actually play the recorder decently? Has anyone played one in the last 20 years? Paul McCartney doesn’t count because he’s English. Neither do those artsy types who should really just switch to glockenspiels.

We learned to squawk in public. We learned to annoy our bus drivers. We learned that recorders can be heard from astonishing distances. But did we really learn to play them? So what’s the point? Just because you can put an instrument in a kid’s hands doesn’t mean you should. Sure, maybe a few kids might discover hidden talent. Great. But is it worth the collective screeching?

It’s time to retire the recorder. Just bore them with music theory instead. At least they’ll learn something.

For more on related topics, check out this other blog post. For authoritative information on home insemination, visit Make a Mom and Healthline.

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Summary:

This article critiques the educational value of teaching children to play the recorder in third grade, likening it to a form of torture rather than a musical introduction. The author reflects on the cacophony produced in music class and questions the instrument’s relevance today. Ultimately, the piece advocates for a shift away from the recorder to more meaningful music education, suggesting that simply handing children instruments doesn’t guarantee they’ll learn anything valuable.

Keyphrase: Recorder in Music Education

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