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Recently, my daughter decided to spend an entire afternoon with her friends, leaving my 10-year-old son and me at home with no plans. We quickly put together a fun day filled with a 3D puzzle, a movie, and popcorn. It was a perfect opportunity for him to have my undivided attention.
However, a friend of his reached out and asked if he could come over for a playdate. My son looked at me with concern, asking if it was okay for him to go. He said, “I don’t mean to ditch you, but I want to play.” I assured him it was fine and began coordinating with his friend’s mom.
In another scenario, this wouldn’t have been a big deal—just a kid opting for a friend over his mom. But for me, it was a significant moment, a chance to pause and feel relieved, which may seem cold without context.
My son has a substantial emotional “mom bucket.” He craves my attention and connection, both emotionally and physically. Whenever I take a moment to sit down, he often comes to cuddle beside me. Sometimes I worry that his neediness stems from the upheaval he experienced at four years old, as I am his only remaining parent and a constant in his life. Other times, I think this is simply part of who he is. Regardless, it’s what he needs to feel safe right now.
The challenge is that I can’t just promise him I’ll always be there. Life is unpredictable, and we’ve learned this lesson the hard way. Instead, I strive to fill his bucket while encouraging him to explore the world beyond our home. When he hesitates, I don’t push too hard. I trust that he will venture out when he’s ready, believing that a strong foundation will give him the confidence to eventually lead an independent life.
However, this process can be exhausting and nerve-wracking. As parents, our ultimate goal is to equip our kids with the tools they need to thrive independently and eventually leave the nest while still having us in their lives.
Sometimes, I worry I’m not succeeding in this endeavor. When he declines invites to birthday parties or clings to me during school events, I question whether he’s developing the skills necessary for independence. I wonder if my approach is misguided.
Then, the other day happened. My son chose to spend time with his friend, and he had a fantastic time. I had a couple of hours to catch up on work and connect with an old friend. Everyone returned home happy, with their emotional buckets filled in different ways. Yes, my son still asked to watch a movie afterward and snuggled up next to me, but perhaps his need for me was slightly less because he had also filled someone else’s bucket.
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Probable Search Queries:
- How to support a child’s independence
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Summary: A mom reflects on a moment when her son chose to play with a friend instead of spending time with her. This choice, instead of causing disappointment, brought her relief and joy, highlighting the importance of fostering independence in children while also meeting their emotional needs.
Keyphrase: My son chose his friend over me
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