My Partner Has ADHD – Celebrating Neurodiversity in Our Home

pregnant woman sitting on bed in blue dress with coffee mug

My partner Jamie is an incredibly talented artist and an amazing person. Honestly, his extraordinary skills can be a bit intimidating to think about! He’s been drawing since childhood, and his remarkable illustrations of superheroes were a big part of what attracted me to him. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Jamie is a true gem, and I feel fortunate to have him in my life. However, Jamie is also one of the millions of individuals in the United States living with ADHD, a highly genetic, brain-based condition.

Living with ADHD has brought its share of challenges for Jamie, stemming from a diagnosis that came during his adolescence. This diagnosis has caused him significant anxiety, particularly as he navigated a world that often didn’t understand him. It took years before Jamie felt secure enough to share his ADHD diagnosis with me, and when he finally did, it opened the floodgates of emotion for both of us.

That year was filled with tough moments, and I’m grateful — and somewhat surprised — that we emerged from it still wanting to be close. I often wish he had felt comfortable sharing his diagnosis earlier; however, I had a feeling that there was something distinctly unique about Jamie. He would immerse himself in his creative projects with an intensity that was hard to interrupt, yet he often left his belongings scattered around and struggled with longer conversations. I sensed there was more beneath the surface, and I wanted to understand it better. Unfortunately, it’s challenging to be open about a condition that many view as merely problematic.

Jamie was just a regular kid when he received his ADHD diagnosis in the nineties. Back then, the usual response was to prescribe medication to children facing difficulties, often treating it as a behavioral issue that hindered learning. The medication left Jamie feeling exhausted and depressed, stripping away the vibrant energy that characterized his personality. While therapy offered some support, it often reinforced his feelings of inadequacy. Growing up during a time when neurodiversity was rarely discussed, Jamie felt isolated and misunderstood.

I can’t help but wonder how his childhood would have unfolded differently if people had understood then what we know today about neurodiversity, which impacts 15-20% of the global population—around one billion people worldwide. Coined in 1998 by Australian sociologist Judy Singer, neurodiversity refers to the variety of brain differences that influence how we think, communicate, and behave. Singer believed these differences should not be stigmatized but rather embraced as variations of the human experience.

Neurodiversity teaches us that we all process the world differently, and our communities should strive to accommodate these differences. This includes ensuring that everyone has equal access to resources and opportunities, regardless of how our minds may vary.

I don’t blame Jamie’s family for the struggles he faced; they were navigating uncharted territory without a roadmap. During a time when neurodivergent conditions were often ignored, Jamie’s diagnosis led to feelings of emotional numbing and shame. His family ultimately decided to discontinue medication and provided him with as much support as possible, but he still felt lost and alone for many years, which deeply saddens me.

Jamie’s experience is far from unique. The impulsivity associated with ADHD, coupled with the stigma surrounding it, can lead to significant mental health challenges in children. Recent studies have found a direct link between ADHD and an increased risk of suicide in young people. It’s crucial that we listen to and learn from our neurodivergent children, making the necessary accommodations to help them succeed in school and beyond.

According to David Cogill, a chair at the University of Melbourne’s Developmental Mental Health, young people with ADHD are highly affected by judgment and stigma. They often feel devalued and inadequate, leading to reactions that can manifest as verbal or physical outbursts. This response is not only understandable but relatable for anyone who has faced harsh criticism. Our expectations for neurodiverse children are often unrealistic, which only exacerbates their feelings of isolation.

Fortunately for Jamie, a high school teacher recognized his artistic talent and allowed him to express himself through his math assignments. This educator provided Jamie with the freedom to be creative while still learning. Additionally, Jamie’s grandfather stepped in after he dropped out of high school, taking him on drives around town to drop off resumes at local art studios. With this support, Jamie gradually built his confidence and eventually earned his GED, pursued a college education, and now enjoys a successful career in animation.

He is also a wonderful partner and father, overflowing with love and humor.

While I can’t change the past or be the advocate I wish I could have been for Jamie during his youth, I’m committed to making up for that time. Living with a partner who has ADHD has its unique challenges and rewards, but that’s true of any meaningful relationship. As I learn more about his neurodiverse mind, I strive to approach it with curiosity and compassion, while also providing light-hearted support during tough moments.

Jamie deserves to feel a sense of belonging. He deserves respect, acceptance, and encouragement. His ADHD isn’t merely a series of obstacles to overcome; it is an integral part of who he is. The world needs to embrace that truth for the sake of all neurodivergent individuals who seek to be seen as worthy and extraordinary.

If you’re interested in exploring more about the journey of neurodiversity, check out this post, along with this excellent resource on pregnancy and a well-regarded artificial insemination kit for your home insemination needs.

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Summary: This article reflects on the experiences of living with a partner who has ADHD, celebrating their unique talents and challenges while advocating for a better understanding of neurodiversity. The narrative emphasizes the importance of support, acceptance, and the need for communities to accommodate neurodiverse individuals.

Keyphrase: Neurodiversity in Relationships

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