artificial insemination syringe
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I’ve been engaged to a fantastic man for four years, and we’ve created a blended family. While I don’t have any biological children of my own, he has two tweens. I have always dreamed of having kids, and I want to have children of my own. I’ve been very upfront with my fiancé about this since we started dating over five years ago, and it seemed like we were always aligned. He says he wants one or two more kids with me, and he believes his kids would enjoy having younger siblings. However, he keeps saying he’s just not ready yet.
I’m in my early 40s, and he’s in his mid-40s. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel like time is running out. His response is that we “aren’t dead yet,” and he’ll be ready, just “not now.” But “not now” has stretched on for four years, and I worry that I’m losing my chance to get pregnant and carry a baby. Leaving him is not something I want to consider, as starting over with dating sounds daunting, and I can’t afford to become a single mom by choice. What should I do?
The reality is that while men can father children into old age, women face a ticking clock when it comes to fertility. It’s crucial for your fiancé to understand this reality. You’re not wrong in feeling urgency; your most fertile years were likely two decades ago. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, “a woman’s best reproductive years are in her 20s,” and fertility begins to decline after age 35. By the time you reach 40, the chance of conceiving drops to less than 5% per cycle.
This doesn’t mean pregnancy is impossible, but the older you are, the more challenges you may face—potentially requiring medical intervention. Healthcare professionals often recommend women over 40 seek infertility evaluations after just three months of trying, compared to a year for those under 35.
It’s understandable why your fiancé might not feel rushed; he already has children and has more time on his side. However, you need to have an open and honest conversation with him about the importance of beginning this journey now. Share the facts with him or invite him to a pre-conception consultation with a gynecologist or fertility expert, so he can hear the urgency from a professional. Also, consider discussing the financial implications of waiting longer, as reproductive assistance can be costly, which might resonate with him.
The good news is that he wants children with you, so you’re already halfway there. Now, it’s about helping him see why starting sooner is essential. With any luck, he’ll understand your perspective, and you’ll soon be welcoming a little one into your lives.
For more insights on this topic, check out this helpful resource about the journey to parenthood. Also, don’t forget to visit Make a Mom, where they provide expert advice on fertility issues. If you’re looking for valuable information about pregnancy, the World Health Organization offers excellent resources.