My Close Friend and I Share a ‘Romantic Friendship’ — Here’s What That Means

I first met my close friend, Leah, during our college years in 1993 when we were assigned as roommates. Hailing from New York, her accent reminded me of my relatives on my mother’s side. Leah loved to sleep in, while I was an early riser who exercised before classes. She often wore flannels and hats, whereas I preferred dressing up in skirts and dresses. Although Leah felt a bit anxious about our living arrangement, I felt a sense of ease around her. I was eager to escape my hometown, and she felt like home.

Fast forward nearly thirty years, and we’ve been through so much together: heartbreaks, poor choices, home purchases, pets, kids, family disputes, and the ebb and flow of friendships. Leah always knows the right words to comfort me. She listens without judgment, never displays jealousy, and treats me as her equal — someone deserving of compassion despite my flaws. She recognizes when it’s time for her to offer advice and when to simply let me vent, often guiding me to find my own answers.

Throughout our decades-long friendship, I’ve never left a conversation with her feeling worse; rather, she always lifts my spirits and reveals the best version of myself. A few years ago, after her father passed away, Leah fell into a depression that changed our dynamic. While we didn’t speak as often, I respected her need for space, understanding she was battling a pain I couldn’t fully comprehend. During that challenging time, I felt a piece of my heart ache too, realizing just how significant she was in my life.

Leah remains a constant presence, and my love for her is unique — distinct from the love I have for my children or partner. It’s a deep admiration that I reserve solely for her. While I cherish my other friendships, none compare to what Leah and I share. I consider our bond to be rare; she is my soulmate, nourishing a part of my soul that no one else can.

Though our feelings are non-sexual, I would describe her as my person. Some refer to this type of connection as a romantic friendship. As noted by New Statesman, “Part of what is appealing about romantic friendships is being able to have the love and closeness associated with romantic relationships without the corresponding practical arrangements of sharing one’s day-to-day life with another person.” This dynamic makes it difficult to explain — it’s not the same as a romantic partnership, yet it’s more profound than other friendships, even the close ones.

There have been moments when we needed to discuss things with each other before even approaching our spouses or family. Our partners often joke about our love for one another, and we openly acknowledge it. We are indeed in love, and our friendship has withstood the test of time, even during periods of silence. It doesn’t matter if others don’t grasp our connection; I feel fortunate to have Leah in my life, and she will always be my person.

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In summary, Leah and I share a unique bond that transcends traditional friendship categories. Our romantic friendship allows us to experience deep emotional closeness without the complexities of a romantic relationship, making it a cherished aspect of my life.

Keyphrase: romantic friendship

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