Don’t Force It: The Best Ways to Teach Your Child to Share (and Be Patient)

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“Sorry, Mia, but Daddy is using the blue crayon right now.”

My two-and-a-half-year-old niece, Mia, pulled back her hand, looking puzzled and a bit hurt. I glanced at my brother in disbelief. Was he really going to deny her that crayon? She’s such a sweet little girl; he should just give her the crayon!

My own child was just starting to explore the world of art, but when the time came, I envisioned allowing him to choose his crayons freely.

“Would you like to ask Daddy if you can use it next?”

A frown creased Mia’s forehead. “I can have it next, Daddy?” she asked, pointing at the blue crayon.

“Of course! I’m almost finished.”

As moments passed by, my brother continued to color, fully engaged in his task. Mia waited patiently, her big brown eyes filled with anticipation, her tiny fingers twisting together in excitement.

“Alright,” my brother said, extending the crayon toward her. “I’m all done now. You did a fantastic job waiting your turn. I love sharing with you!”

My brother was employing a brilliant technique to teach Mia the art of sharing without compromising his own needs. Instead of merely instructing, he was modeling the behavior, which is often more effective.

Traditionally, parents would insist their children share, often out of a sense of obligation. However, over time, we’ve realized that teaching children to suppress their own desires just to please others isn’t the best lesson. Sharing is important, but so is learning to ask politely and wait patiently. My brother was demonstrating both.

He often switched roles, pretending to be interested in something Mia had, just to show her how to manage requests for items she wasn’t finished using. Mia, being a naturally compliant child, would typically give up whatever she had without hesitation, even if she didn’t want to. My brother wanted to instill in her the value of being assertive.

This sharing lesson reminded me of a TikTok video I stumbled upon recently. In it, a father plays with his daughter, who is dressed like a princess and coveting a sparkly toy crown he’s wearing.

“When I’m all done, you can play with it, OK?” he tells her.

She whines and nudges him, showing her displeasure.

“I understand you want the crown,” he explains, “but that doesn’t mean you can push me. You need to wait until I’m finished, alright?”

Her mother jumps in, asking, “What would you like to play with while you wait?”

Dad suggests a toy vacuum, which the little girl clearly finds lacking compared to the crown.

“I want the crown,” she insists.

“I know you do, but Daddy’s using it right now. You’ll have to wait until I’m done,” he reassures her.

Eventually, she wanders off to play with an Elsa doll, and Mom reminds her that Dad will let her know when he’s finished.

“I’m going to play with Elsa!” she announces, receiving praise from her parents for her positive attitude.

When Dad finally finishes and hands over the crown, she says, “Thank you!” to which he replies, “You’re welcome. Thank you for waiting your turn.”

From this interaction, the little girl learns valuable lessons about patience, what sharing looks like, and that it’s perfectly fine for boys to enjoy princess crowns. More importantly, these mindful exchanges demonstrate that while parents love their children deeply, they also respect their own needs and feelings.

It’s essential for caregivers to assert their rights and maintain their autonomy. We deserve kindness too.

The motivation behind teaching these lessons is rooted in love. It’s not just about preventing entitlement; it’s about helping kids develop healthy relationships and fostering positive interactions. They can’t achieve this without the social skills we model through seemingly simple play.

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Summary:

Teaching children to share and be patient is a vital aspect of their social development. Instead of forcing sharing, parents can model the behavior by demonstrating how to wait for their turn and assert their needs. This approach fosters healthier relationships and respectful interactions.

Keyphrase: Teaching kids to share

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