Why I’m Concerned About My 6-Year-Old’s Emotional Well-Being

pregnant woman throwing toddler in the air sitting by a tree

“Yikes, this is not good.” I extracted a bruised banana from my son’s backpack. Like many nutritious options I prepare, this one made a trip to school, only to return home in poor condition and untouched.

I paused, gazing at the banana. Sleep deprivation took over: “I get it, buddy. We started today with enthusiasm, but now we’re both feeling a bit battered.”

Aside from my amusing chat with a piece of fruit, today was a challenging parenting day. We’re two months into my son Ethan’s first “normal” school year as a first grader, and he’s clearly having a tough time. He doesn’t share much, giving only brief remarks about friendships falling apart and new classmates not wanting to include him.

His behavior tells a different story. He’s irritable, disrespectful, and occasionally withdrawn. Recently, there’s been an increase in door slamming, eye rolls, and tears. It feels like he’s upset with me for not shielding him from the anxiety that comes with rejoining society. Navigating childhood in a post-pandemic world is tough, and at times, being a parent feels even tougher. I’m losing sleep worrying about my six-year-old’s mental health (hence my banter with a piece of fruit).

Today, his teacher reached out because there have been a few incidents indicating that his biggest hurdles are social-emotional. I know we can’t foresee every challenge our children will face, but I did not anticipate this one. Even with all the discussions and research about how pandemic isolation has affected kids’ social skills, I foolishly thought my child was unaffected.

And yet, here we are, and I’m heartbroken for him.

These are the moments when I have to resist the urge to scoop him up and tell him that I’m his only friend. I must refrain from filling the cart with toys that would provide only temporary relief. I remind myself that we’ve entered a phase that requires a more comprehensive plan than simply going out for ice cream after school.

This may be our first significant “big kid” problem, and it’s a doozy. Some might suggest that these issues tend to resolve on their own, but I know firsthand that childhood anxiety is real, and I won’t allow him to struggle without support. He deserves to experience the unique blend of resilience and joy that makes childhood so special. Here’s my plan…

Listen — while keeping my cool, of course.

Ethan tends to keep his feelings under wraps, so a simple “How was school today?” doesn’t yield the desired response. However, I’ve discovered that there are golden moments during bedtime, car rides, and random breaks in the day when he inadvertently opens up to me. If he senses my concern or surprise, he quickly shuts down, so I make sure to act nonchalant while giving him my undivided attention for as long as I can… or until he abruptly shifts the topic back to LEGOs or Minecraft.

Avoid the urge to revert to normal.

I have this persistent feeling that our goal is to catch up to the other kids or bridge some social gap. As moms, we often want to fix things, but this delicate situation is unfolding during unprecedented times. Ethan completed kindergarten on a tablet; he doesn’t know what “normal” is. He just knows something feels wrong. Even though it pains me to see his classmates effortlessly playing together, I remind myself to focus on the ultimate goal: helping him feel loved and accepted just as he is. Once he reaches that point, I’ll consider him “caught up.”

Discuss emotions.

Big sigh. Deep eye roll… I can write about my feelings endlessly, but talking about them is exhausting for me. Now I have a son who needs to practice recognizing and managing his emotions, so it’s time to step up and model healthy behavior. I share simple examples from my own life when I faced disappointment or didn’t get the outcome I desired, explaining how it made me feel and how I coped. Honestly, it seems like he’s not paying attention. Still, I hope he’s absorbing more than it appears, so I keep at it.

Utilize social-emotional resources at school.

Fortunately, times have changed since I was a child, and academics are no longer the sole focus of an elementary school curriculum. Schools now offer programs designed to help students cultivate their post-pandemic resilience and social skills. I’m incredibly thankful that fostering a sense of connection, safety, and security is prioritized over academics.

Embrace “scaffold parenting.”

In my online explorations, I stumbled upon a beautiful concept known as scaffold parenting. The idea is that the child is the “building,” and parents act as the scaffold surrounding it—a framework that supports and protects as the child grows. This means acknowledging that I can’t simply fix issues like social rejection, bullying, or anxiety. Ethan needs to spread his wings, make mistakes, and experience hurt as he reconnects with the world. What I can do is create a loving structure around him so he can develop into a resilient, confident, and happy individual.

People need social connections at every life stage, and it’s no surprise that young children, who are just beginning to grasp basic social skills, are struggling after a year of isolation. But for every two steps forward, we seem to take one step back. That’s the reality of parenting. This phase will pass, and my response to Ethan’s challenges is simply an opportunity to model resilience. In the meantime, I’ll continue my amusing conversations with fruit.

If you’re interested in further insights, check out this post on navigating post-pandemic parenting. Additionally, for information on how to support your fertility journey, visit Make a Mom, a trusted authority on this subject, or refer to this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination.

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Summary:

The author expresses concern over her 6-year-old son’s mental health as he navigates social challenges in his first-grade year, exacerbated by the pandemic. She shares her strategies for supporting him emotionally, including listening without pressure, avoiding the pressure to return to “normal,” discussing feelings, utilizing school resources, and embracing scaffold parenting. The importance of providing a supportive environment for her child to grow and develop resilience is emphasized.

Keyphrase: Supporting a child’s mental health

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