If Your Partner Struggles with Alcoholism, This Is For You

Hello, dear reader.

I hope you don’t mind me addressing you as friend. Although we may be worlds apart, I understand the weight you’re carrying. If you’re here reading this, you likely feel drained and overwhelmed. You might be at your wit’s end, frightened for both your own well-being and that of someone you care for deeply. You’re likely yearning for relief — for hope, for assistance, for an end to this ordeal because you’re in a relationship with an alcoholic. You love them, but their addiction is taking a toll on both of you, making your connection feel sick.

Yes, their actions are impacting your health as well.

At this moment, your thoughts may be consumed with questions like: How can I help them see their problem? How can I persuade them to stop drinking? How can I make them realize the severity of their situation? I completely understand. I’ve been there myself. My partner battled alcoholism for over a decade, and I was desperate for solutions. I turned to the internet looking for ways to alleviate our shared suffering. But listen closely, dear friend: while you might temporarily influence their behavior — like when my partner would “take breaks” — your long-term efforts are unlikely to succeed.

The hard truth is this: no one can truly seek help until they recognize they have a problem. Each person struggling with addiction needs to reach their own breaking point, and nothing you do can change that. It’s frustrating. It’s undeniably tough. The only person you can change is yourself. Right now, your focus should be on your own well-being.

I know this is difficult to accept, and it’s probably not what you want to hear. I attended Al-Anon long before my partner found sobriety, and I struggled with this very advice. It seemed absurd and unrealistic at the time. But I share it now because it’s essential: you cannot save your partner. The only person you can truly save is yourself. This involves reaching out for support, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own needs.

It may sound harsh, but it’s crucial for your own health. How can you bear to watch someone you love harm themselves? Your vows promised to stand by each other “in sickness and in health.” But here’s a thought: if you saw a vehicle speeding towards a wall, would you step in front of it? You might try to alert the driver, but placing yourself in danger wouldn’t help anyone.

Let’s Refocus on You

If you can’t stop your partner from drinking, what options do you have? Does your marriage feel like an insurmountable challenge?

First, ensure your own safety. If you’re in a harmful situation, seek immediate help — whether legal, physical, or emotional. You may need to leave the relationship and find shelter. Stop covering for your partner; making excuses only feeds their addiction and drags you down into their turmoil. Recognize this truth: their addiction is not your fault. It’s not the outcome of your actions or inactions.

Alcoholism is a complex disease, characterized by compulsion and suffering. While it can be managed, it’s essential to understand that it cannot be cured.

However, this doesn’t render your situation hopeless. You are not without options, nor is your partner beyond help. It’s about adapting to a “new normal.” Whether your partner is actively drinking or sober, loving someone with this struggle is incredibly challenging. You must weigh the positives against the negatives and decide whether it’s time to stay or leave.

There’s no definitive answer to this dilemma. Remember, if you choose to leave, it doesn’t reflect your weakness or failure. If you decide to stay, it’s not due to a lack of courage. It’s about making the right choice for yourself at this moment.

So, prioritize self-love and self-forgiveness. You deserve it.

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In summary, navigating a relationship with an alcoholic is an arduous journey filled with emotional turmoil. While you may feel powerless, focusing on your own well-being and seeking help are vital steps you can take. Remember, you cannot save anyone but yourself.

Keyphrase: Alcoholism and Relationships

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