From The Confidential: Bullies Are Awful

November 4, 2021

Bullies are the worst. Period. Whether we’re dealing with the lasting impacts of childhood tormentors, the bullying that persists into adulthood, or the heart-wrenching realization that our children are being bullied, it all causes pain. Bullying robs us of our sense of security, fills us with fear, and leads us to question our self-worth. But it’s crucial to remember that the real issue lies with the bully—whether it’s that obnoxious kid who pushes others around or that unpleasant colleague who feels the need to belittle everyone. It’s not you!

Bullies are often insecure individuals desperately seeking validation that they will never truly attain unless they change their behavior. Their need for approval drives them to harm those around them, including you and your children.

If you or your kids have faced bullying, it’s essential to hold onto your identity. Remind your kids to do the same. No one can take away their worth—not that mean girl Sarah who whispers about your daughter during class, nor that jerk Tom from your workplace who takes credit for others’ achievements and belittles anyone who stands up to him.

Sarah and Tom are nobodies. You, on the other hand, are absolutely fantastic!

At 49 years old, I still carry the scars from the bullying I faced in school. One thing I’m grateful for is that it happened before smartphones existed; the thought of videos capturing those moments is terrifying!

Confessions of a Bully Survivor

Confessional #25858642: While I resonate with this message, I wasn’t the one who sent an anonymous “Rot in Hell!” flower arrangement to my childhood bully’s funeral.

Confessional #25845218: The memories of my lonely high school days haunt me, despite having worked hard to have a fulfilling life and some friends now. The trauma from middle school bullying and a cruel family lingers.

Confessional #25841914: Mark and Tyler, I hope you’re miserable for bullying me in high school. I became a successful writer, wife, mother, and grandmother, spreading goodness in my community. I hope you both are suffering.

The long-term effects of childhood bullying can be devastating. Healing takes time, and for some, it never fully happens. It’s vital to reflect on your strength and resilience because you’re still here, and likely happier and more successful than those who tormented you.

Social exclusion has always been a form of bullying, and at 58, I can still recall the girls who did it to me.

Confessional #25850627: My middle school bully is now an elementary school teacher. I hope she’s changed, as she was quite the nasty person back then!

Confessional #25851286: In sixth grade, I bit off a piece of my bully’s ear, which had to be sewn back on. I was nicknamed “Psycho,” but after that incident, the bullies left me alone for the rest of elementary school.

Confessional #25850258: My husband and I both faced severe bullying in school. I don’t understand why some believe forced inclusion helps; in my experience, it leads to worse bullying. Moving was the only thing that truly helped me.

Even if we spend our lives healing from past bullying, those experiences leave lasting impressions. We may never forget, but we can choose to transform those painful memories into a force for good by promoting kindness and teaching our children to do the same.

Confessional #25853310: My partner is being nicer, but I still harbor 30 years of resentment over mistreatment and bullying. I no longer care about his niceness; I want a divorce!

As adults, we encounter bullying just as we did in our youth. Sometimes, we find ourselves married to the bully, unsure of how to escape.

Confessional #25858754: I wish my significant other would confront his bullying manager. He’s kinder and more passive than I am, and I want to go chew her out myself!

Confessional #25853894: I’m fed up watching this office bully drive away good employees with her hostile attitude.

Confessional #25849776: It’s unbelievable that my workplace will fire people for too many absences, but this bully gets to keep her job while terrorizing others.

Confessional #25841193: A colleague received a promotion over me, despite my longer tenure. I was told she’s more assertive, but I see her as a bully who manipulates people into compliance.

We can also face everyday workplace bullying from bosses or coworkers, leaving us feeling trapped alongside toxic individuals day after day.

Confessional #25853156: My husband confronted the kid bullying our child, and it resolved the issue.

Confessional #25852122: Anyone who argues against transgender youth in sports needs to reconsider. Every individual has unique body advantages. Stop bullying minors who just want to play!

Confessional #25850467: A couple of boys bully my 7-year-old son at school. My anger towards them consumes me, and I need to toughen up.

Most heartbreaking is discovering that our own children are being bullied. Witnessing it firsthand or hearing about it afterward is devastating. We want to protect them and confront the bully ourselves, but it’s far more effective to empower our kids to handle it on their own.

We can only hope childhood bullies recognize their wrongdoings and seek to mend their ways. The same goes for adult bullies. However, our primary goal should be to raise strong, resilient children who understand the importance of kindness and who stand up against bullying rather than participate in it.

It all starts with us. Our children are watching our actions, so we must model the behavior we want to see in them.

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Summary

Bullies inflict pain and insecurity, leaving lasting scars on their victims. It’s essential to recognize that the problem lies with the bully, not with you or your children. Healing takes time, and while the memories of bullying may linger, we can empower our kids to rise above it. By fostering a culture of kindness and resilience, we can help our children navigate bullying and grow into compassionate individuals.

Keyphrase: bullying in childhood and adulthood

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