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Welcome to the Home Insemination Kit advice column, where our team of “experts” tackles all your queries about life, love, parenting, and anything else that’s got you puzzled.
This week’s dilemma: What should you do when a playdate feels more like a babysitting job?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
My friend Lisa has a son who is the same age as mine, and they really enjoy hanging out together. However, every time we organize a playdate—whether at the park or at home—I find myself on high alert. Her son behaves like a little tornado, and she seems oblivious, treating the playdate as her personal downtime. While I’m up and down trying to manage his antics, she’s completely tuned out, making it feel like I’m doing all the work. I love that our kids are such good friends, but these playdates are starting to feel like a chore.
The beauty of playdates, especially with mom friends, is the chance to relax and connect with adults while the kids play. It should be a shared break, not a one-sided vacation for your friend. It’s inconsiderate, and you shouldn’t have to bear that burden.
You’re only responsible for correcting someone else’s child if they’re in immediate danger—like running into the street. Otherwise, it’s up to the child’s parent to manage their behavior, which it sounds like Lisa doesn’t understand.
You could directly address the issue with her, but I know that can feel awkward and might jeopardize your friendship. So, here are a couple of subtler approaches to encourage her to take responsibility.
When hosting playdates at your home, start by laying down some house rules for the kids in front of Lisa. This might clarify expectations for her son, reducing the need for you to intervene constantly. It’s possible that his usual boundaries at home differ significantly from yours, and unless you communicate that, she may not realize it.
If that doesn’t work, you can gently hold her accountable when her son misbehaves: “Lisa, could you please stop Jake from climbing on the furniture?” This way, you’re sending a message that it’s her job to manage her child, not yours.
If your hints don’t seem to be getting through, consider arranging future playdates at neutral locations where potential messes are minimized, such as a trampoline park or a ball pit. Or, you could opt to visit her house, where she may feel more inclined to supervise her child’s behavior.
Playdates should be mutually enjoyable rather than a burden. By not taking on her responsibilities, you’re making it clear that it’s up to her to step up.
For more tips on navigating parenting dilemmas, check out this blog post.
Summary
If you’re finding playdates with a friend’s unruly child exhausting because their parent isn’t stepping in, consider setting house rules, subtly holding the parent accountable, or changing the venue to encourage better behavior. Ultimately, playdates should be a shared enjoyment, not a source of stress.
Keyphrase: playdate parenting challenges
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