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As the holiday season draws near, many parents feel the need to impart a lesson on gratitude to their children, often perceiving them as entitled or spoiled. A recent discussion in my neighborhood parenting group highlighted this dilemma, with suggestions ranging from stripping a child’s room down to just a mattress to mandating volunteer work at local charities. However, I firmly believe that this approach to teaching gratitude—often referred to as performative volunteerism or “poverty porn”—is not the solution. Instead, let’s focus on nurturing genuine appreciation throughout the year.
Growing up in the eighties, I remember being told to finish my plate because “there are kids starving in other countries.” This kind of guilt-inducing sentiment did little to foster gratitude; it merely left us feeling full or dissatisfied with our meal choices. Today, social media amplifies this trend, where parents encourage their kids to volunteer during holidays, often posting about it online. While the intention may be good, it can turn into a display of virtue signaling rather than a meaningful experience.
So, how can we truly cultivate gratitude in our children? Here are some practical ideas:
- Implement a Thoughtful Financial System: My children receive a monthly allowance divided into three categories: 50% for spending, 40% for savings, and 10% for charity. This system not only teaches them about managing money but also allows them to contribute to causes they care about, especially during the holiday season.
- Select a Family Cause: When my kids were little, we realized that the abundance of birthday gifts they received didn’t instill appreciation. We chose to have guests bring gifts for children in foster care instead. This way, our kids learned about giving and helping others, and they enjoyed being part of the donation process.
- Engage in Clubs with Service Projects: As children grow, encourage them to join clubs or organizations that align with their interests and offer service opportunities. Whether it’s participating in environmental clean-ups or creating art for local charities, engaging in activities they are passionate about can foster a lifelong commitment to service.
- Persevere Through Challenges: If a particular approach to teaching gratitude doesn’t resonate with your child, don’t hesitate to try something different. Whether it’s adjusting the financial system or finding another volunteer opportunity, persistence is vital in nurturing their sense of gratitude.
- Model Gratitude as Parents: Children learn from their parents. If we openly express gratitude and act upon our privilege by helping others, our kids are more likely to adopt the same mindset.
While volunteering in soup kitchens or participating in community clean-ups can certainly be valuable, imposing these activities on children as a form of punishment can backfire. Real gratitude is best cultivated through consistent, meaningful actions throughout the year, not just during special occasions.
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Summary:
As parents, it’s essential to teach our children about gratitude in a genuine way, free from performative acts. By creating engaging financial systems, selecting meaningful causes, encouraging service through interests, and modeling gratitude ourselves, we can nurture a year-round appreciation in our children.
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