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This past weekend, while navigating the complexities of solo parenting two tweens, I reached my limit. My son erupted in frustration over my enforcement of a screen time bedtime rule: no phones, tablets, or video games after a certain hour. While he could stay up a bit later if he wasn’t tired, screens were off-limits. He was livid, convinced that everyone else gets to stay glued to their devices as long as they want. Emotions flared—his anger stemming from a desire for independence, and mine rooted in self-doubt and a longing for another adult to share the parenting load and understand my son’s needs.
That night, after both of us went to bed fuming, I spent a considerable amount of time reflecting. I realized how ill-prepared I was for the challenges of parenting tweens. It felt like just yesterday they were little kids. I recognized the stark contrast between raising young children and managing tweens. Most importantly, I wished I had been better informed about this stage of parenting. Since I can’t rewind time, I want to share my insights for other solo parents who may soon find themselves facing the same reality.
Self-Doubt is Common
In the absence of another parent to discuss rules, consequences, and rewards, it’s often tough to determine if I’m being too strict or too lenient. While friends and family provide their opinions, nothing compares to the perspective of someone who loves your tweens as deeply as you do. I don’t have a solution to silence the nagging self-doubt, but it’s reassuring to know you aren’t alone. Find ways to quiet the negative voice telling you that you’re not enough—your tweens see your worth.
Guilt is Ever-Present
Watching my tweens navigate their struggles, whether social or academic, often brings on waves of guilt. I can’t help but think about how, if I had more time or wasn’t juggling so much, I could have provided more support or opportunities. The reality is there will always be something I could have done differently, but what I did was exactly what they needed. I’ve found that the best way to combat that guilt is to prioritize quality time with my tweens. When I focus on simply being present with them, they flourish.
Burnout Levels Will Soar
Let’s be honest—parenting tweens is tough. It’s emotionally, mentally, and often physically draining in ways I never anticipated when I was just a sleepy mom dealing with toddlers. Solo parenting amplifies that challenge, combining exhaustion with the unique stresses of going through it alone. Add a second tween into the mix, and “hard” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I can’t quite find the words to describe the frenetic chaos of solo parenting two tweens, mainly because my brain feels completely fried from the experience!
There Will Be Unexpected Joy
Despite the challenges, I find immense joy in my relationship with my tweens. I get to witness their humor, their laughter, and the parts of themselves they seldom show to others. They’re old enough for more mature movies yet still young enough to enjoy late movie nights with me. While I often wish their father could share in these moments, I feel immensely grateful that I get to experience them for both of us.
Your Bond Will Be Incredibly Special
Above all else, I wish I had known just how unique my relationship with my tweens would become. I often think of us as a sturdy tripod, lacking the divide-and-conquer dynamic of a two-parent home. As their sole parent, I am their safe haven, and that role brings with it the weight of exhaustion but also the comfort of knowing that my presence provides them security. The trauma and grief we’ve navigated together have created a strong bond. We communicate openly about tough topics, and for that, I am endlessly grateful.
After the emotional fallout of our earlier argument, my son called out to me in a familiar voice. He reached for a hug, and we talked. Though we didn’t resolve the disagreement about screen time, we both went to bed knowing we were loved. Ultimately, that’s my biggest takeaway about solo parenting tweens—it can be chaotic, but it’s also filled with love.
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Summary:
Solo parenting two tweens presents unique challenges, including self-doubt and guilt. However, it also offers unexpected joys and the opportunity to forge a special bond with your children. Embracing the chaos while focusing on quality time can lead to a rewarding experience filled with love.
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