It’s Fine Not to Want Kids, But It’s Unacceptable to Mistreat Them

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Parenthood isn’t for everyone, and that’s completely okay. Many people choose not to have children and thrive in their child-free lives. This decision is valid and increasingly common, as evidenced by the declining birth rate in the United States. Nevertheless, families will continue to grow, as that’s part of life’s cycle.

As a mother of four, ranging from ages 13 to 5, I have a wealth of experience navigating the ups and downs of parenting. While I’ve moved beyond the baby and toddler stage, I still reflect on the challenges that young children face in a world that can be unkind to both them and their parents. Unfortunately, some individuals simply don’t like kids, which can create difficulties for those of us raising them.

Adults without children sometimes have unrealistic expectations regarding how kids should behave, often viewing them as miniature adults without the responsibilities. However, children are still developing, and we cannot impose adult standards on them. Kids need the freedom to express themselves and engage with the world around them, even if that means being noisy or unpredictable.

When babies cry—whether in a store, on a plane, or in a church—it’s part of their nature. I once had a woman at church suggest that I remove my 14-month-old because he was “disturbing” her with his happy sounds. Instead of complying, I chose to speak up, sharing my thoughts on my blog about the need for tolerance toward children. While it felt empowering, it was disheartening to confront such intolerance towards an innocent child.

As children grow, we naturally expect them to sit still and be quiet for longer periods. However, not all kids behave the same way, and that’s perfectly fine. If yours are calm and collected, great! If not, that’s okay too. Outside opinions on how your child should act—unless they come from a professional directly involved in your child’s life—should be disregarded.

I want to clarify that not everyone who chooses to remain childless is a bad person or intolerant of kids. My concern lies with those who forget their own childhood experiences. We all came into this world as helpless infants, and we all had our moments of noise and chaos. Understanding this can foster empathy toward children and their parents.

I strive to make sure my kids are well-behaved around those who don’t have children, but I refuse to suppress their personalities to appease adults. Life happens, and grace is essential. It’s not just about parents asking for understanding; it’s about adults choosing to extend that grace without hesitation.

Just as I respect those who choose not to have children, I expect the same courtesy in return. If you haven’t raised a child, you cannot dictate how a parent should do it. We’re all navigating this complex world while carrying the responsibility of another life. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted; it’s a significant challenge that requires immense dedication.

Children are a crucial part of society, and adults must adapt their expectations. A child’s brain doesn’t fully develop until around age 25—so why place unrealistic demands on them? This creates undue pressure on both the child and the parent, especially when outside judgment arises.

To those without children: when you encounter a parent struggling with a child—be it a baby or a teenager—consider your own childhood. Remember that you were once that child, and it took time and patience from many adults to shape you into who you are today.

Instead of judging or dismissing children, treat them with the respect you wish to receive. Keep in mind the simple motto: “Be Kind.” Children are learning from the adults around them, and it’s vital that we model good behavior.

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Summary:

It’s perfectly acceptable for individuals to choose a child-free lifestyle, but it’s essential to treat children with respect and understanding. Parenting presents its own set of challenges, and adults should recognize that children are still developing. By fostering empathy and kindness towards kids, society can create a more supportive environment for families.

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