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Last Friday night, I went to bed with a lot of plans. I felt energized and was excited to tackle some chores around the house, bake cookies for my daughter, and enjoy a hike with my boyfriend and our dog, followed by a relaxing couples’ massage.
However, as I settled in for the night, I awoke in a pool of sweat. Despite the chilly 40-degree temperature outside and my lack of clothing, I just couldn’t cool down. After an hour of tossing and turning, I got up to crack the window and switch on the fan.
My boyfriend woke up and wrapped himself in an extra blanket, questioning if it was really necessary to have the window wide open and the fan blowing on me. I insisted it was crucial since I was drenched with sweat. He shrugged it off, snuggling back into sleep, snoring loudly. Frustrated, I retreated to the sofa, and after a restless night, I probably managed only three hours of sleep.
When he woke up in a cheerful mood, claiming he didn’t sleep well, I sarcastically remarked, “I guess you snore even when you’re awake.” This left him puzzled about what my issue was. I could sense my hormones were all over the place as I ruminated on life’s stressors.
Questions Running Through My Mind
- Why am I so hot?
- Why is my heart racing?
- Why do I feel like crying?
- What will I do when all my kids leave home?
- I need to check my hormone levels, but I can’t find the time amidst everything else going on.
- I’m out of lube. Again.
- Oh my gosh, I think I’m bleeding. Again.
Indeed, I was bleeding for the second time that month. After attempting to relax in the shower, I struggled to put on my pants, which felt uncomfortably tight, and a headache throbbed painfully. I wanted to cry, and when my daughter asked about the cookies, I snapped at her. That made me feel even worse.
While my boyfriend tried to comfort me, he often resorts to overly optimistic platitudes regarding my mood swings and perimenopausal symptoms. “It could be worse!” “Nothing is really wrong.” “You just need more rest.” “Keep moving, and you’ll feel better.” “Did you remember to get more lube? You look great!” (Insert facepalm emoji here).
I know I’m not alone in this. Just the other day, while sharing sushi with a friend my age, she expressed how her own perimenopause clashes with her teenage kids’ hormones, leaving her husband feeling like he should just stay out of the way. The struggles we face with menstruation and perimenopause are challenging, and we have no choice but to manage them. The bleeding, night sweats, fatigue, and mood swings are all very real.
I suspect men have a hard time grasping this because it’s not something visible to them. They don’t understand how one moment we can be fine, brimming with good intentions, and the next feel as if an internal furnace has ignited, derailing everything. They might complain about not having intimacy for a few weeks as justification for being grumpy, yet they struggle to comprehend the hormonal changes women face, which have been documented throughout history.
I recognize that I’m not always easy to be around, and this is a new experience for me—I’ve never navigated perimenopause before, so I’m unsure how to handle it. I want to highlight that this is a genuine issue for couples. If you’re facing similar struggles, know that many couples are in the same boat. And if you have a solution, please share! My doctor suggested Vitamin D, sleep (whenever possible), and valerian root to help ease the symptoms, but there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for this common problem.
The impact this situation has on our relationship is concerning, and I want to mitigate that. I’ve decided to attempt to accept that he may not fully understand because he isn’t experiencing it firsthand. Perhaps lowering my expectations (and possibly converting the spare room into his bedroom) will help us find some peace.
If you’re interested in more insights, check out this related blog post here. For further information on home insemination, visit Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit. Additionally, for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination, refer to Johns Hopkins Fertility Center.
Summary
Navigating perimenopause can be incredibly challenging, especially when your partner struggles to understand what you’re going through. From hormone fluctuations to mood swings and physical discomfort, it’s a journey that can put a strain on relationships. It’s important to communicate openly and find ways to cope together. If you’re dealing with similar challenges, you’re not alone, and seeking support and solutions is vital.
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