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When I was a kid, family gatherings often saw my grandma, mom, and aunts bustling around, preparing plates for the children while the dads lounged in the living room, engrossed in football and casual conversation. The women took on all the tasks—setting the table, cooking the meals, cutting up food, and managing the endless needs of the kids. Occasionally, we would hear the men call out to us when we got too rowdy, but their involvement rarely extended beyond that. The moms were clearly the “default parents,” shouldering the bulk of family responsibilities while the dads relaxed.
Back then, I didn’t think much of it. It was simply the norm, and how could I see it differently when it was all I knew? However, now that I’m a mother experiencing the same outdated dynamics at family events, I’m fed up with the men finishing their meals before the women even get a chance to sit down.
This issue goes beyond just family dinners; it’s a recurring theme in the everyday lives of mothers. In any household, there’s typically a default parent, and if you’re a woman, chances are that’s you. You don’t need a quiz to figure it out; it’s something you inherently know.
We’re the ones our kids approach for a drink, even when we’re juggling a dozen other tasks, while our partners sit comfortably. We may occasionally forget our own age, but we can instantly recall our children’s dietary preferences. We keep track of practices and appointments, managing to get them there despite our own packed schedules.
The default parent is the one who understands each child’s unique needs, bears the emotional load of the family, and figures out the logistics no one else wants to handle. We do enough—some might argue we do too much.
Contrary to what some may believe, this isn’t a responsibility mothers sign up for when they choose to start a family; it shouldn’t be an intrinsic part of parenting. It’s unjust that many mothers oversee every aspect of family life while fathers often step in only when they feel like it or when asked to.
Moms shouldn’t have to plead for help when they’re clearly overwhelmed. If the house is a mess, the kids haven’t eaten, and mom is wearing the same sweater for days, it shouldn’t be up to her to point this out.
It often feels like we’re the only ones attuned to our kids’ needs. When partners ask us to delegate tasks that have been part of our routine since becoming parents, it only adds to our already heavy load. This leads to exhaustion and stress, making us hesitant to even ask for help. Someone needs to manage these responsibilities, and it’s frustrating that we see the need while our partners seem oblivious.
Consequently, we end up running ourselves ragged while dads coast through their children’s lives, often unaware of the day-to-day complexities. Yes, I know not all fathers fit this mold, but there are enough who do that it warrants mentioning.
I genuinely believe these dysfunctional family patterns are a generational curse. Many of us grew up witnessing this, passing it down to the next generation. Little girls become mothers and naturally assume the role of default parent, while boys grow into fathers who often remain blissfully unaware, receiving praise for minimal involvement. Children observe these dynamics, and as they grow, they replicate this toxic behavior.
Sadly, the default parent can’t break these cycles without sacrificing their own well-being or, in some cases, leaving their partner. And it shouldn’t be our responsibility to fix yet another issue.
It’s time for dads to step up. When the kids wake up—whether it’s morning or the middle of the night—we need fathers who rise without being prompted. We need dads who can dress their kids in the morning without expecting gratitude. We need fathers who manage their kids’ schedules and don’t always rely on moms to coordinate. And for goodness’ sake, we need dads who serve the kids’ plates at family dinners, allowing moms a moment to enjoy their meals while they’re still warm.
In essence, what we need is for fathers to embody more of the nurturing qualities that mothers naturally possess—not just for the sake of their partners, but for their children. Because moms can only do so much.
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Summary
The article discusses the overwhelming burden of family responsibilities that often falls on mothers, highlighting the outdated dynamics of family roles where fathers frequently remain uninvolved. It calls for a shift in these patterns, urging fathers to take on more responsibilities for the sake of their partners and children. By breaking these generational cycles, families can create healthier dynamics where both parents share the load equally.
Keyphrase: Family responsibilities and mothers
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