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Raising children with significant needs can often lead to feelings of isolation for both kids and their parents. This is especially clear when we see kids with visible disabilities or health issues. Extended hospital stays mean missing out on school, playdates, and social activities. Friendships can fray under the strain. While we might sympathize and offer a meal or a kind word, there’s less understanding for those grappling with invisible disabilities, particularly mental health issues that can be just as life-threatening.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among children aged 10-14 in the United States. It claims more young lives than cancer does. I find myself torn between wishing I didn’t know this and being grateful for the awareness it brings. What I do know is that my son, Oliver, faces both a disability and a mental health condition. There’s a mountain of paperwork to validate this, but here’s the core of our story:
When Oliver was just three, he began mentioning a boy he called “The Other Sam.” Initially, we thought he was simply imagining a friend, but soon it became clear that when The Other Sam was present, my Oliver was not. He struggled to remember or articulate things that the Other Sam claimed to have done. Over time, his condition worsened, and before he turned seven, he endured his first psychotic episode at school. A mother never forgets the heart-stopping moment when a guidance counselor calls to get permission to transport your child to the hospital. The unsettling reality is that more distressing voices soon joined the first.
The Reality of Mental Illness in Children
Mental illness in children is not easily measured or quantified. It lacks standardization. I can’t provide statistics on how my son’s thought processes compare to those of his peers, but I can share some sobering numbers:
- 8 schools by eighth grade, 3 of which were special education units
- 4 inpatient stays in pediatric psychiatric hospitals by age twelve
- 5 evaluations seeking answers
- 5 different medications and 3.5 milligrams of a liquid suspension every morning, plus 3 more doses throughout the day
- Multiple calls to law enforcement initiated by me
- 1 CPS investigation
- 4 job losses due to the need for full-time care
The statistics can seem daunting, and I fully admit that my experience of motherhood looks vastly different from what I had envisioned. But Oliver is more than a statistic; he’s a vibrant individual, and I see so much beyond his illness. I see my son.
The Importance of Community
Parenting is inherently a communal endeavor. Under normal circumstances, it takes a village, but certain challenges demand a full army. Amidst filling out forms and managing prescriptions, I didn’t realize when my circle transformed from casual coffee chats with fellow moms to a tightly-knit team preparing for the real, messy events of life. I need people who are willing to get their hands dirty alongside us.
No one can navigate this journey alone. Asking for help has been both my toughest and most rewarding decision for my children. In the early days, I hosted book clubs, ran a community toy library, and led mommy-and-me groups. However, my understanding of community has shifted dramatically. I’ve moved beyond the idea of a mom squad for park playdates and embraced the profound support that comes from unexpected places.
My Support Network
My support network now includes:
- 6 outpatient therapists
- 3 social workers
- 2 pediatricians
- 3 physiatrists
- 2 school resource officers
- 2 mobile crisis units
- Over a dozen teachers and aides
- 2 healthcare case managers
- Countless emergency healthcare workers
- 3 compassionate pastors who provided support when counseling wasn’t an option
I am deeply grateful for this team we’ve built around Oliver. They help dispel the cloud of isolation and ensure the safety of all my children. While I wouldn’t have chosen this path, I cherish the light we’ve found even in the darkest moments. The lessons I’ve learned from parenting Oliver have enriched my life immeasurably. His resilience inspires me to keep pushing forward.
Lessons Learned
I might never have learned how to advocate for struggling children without Oliver. I wouldn’t have understood the challenges of the pediatric psychiatric system or the intricacies of childhood trauma. I might have remained oblivious to the economic burdens families face, the critical need for accessible Medicaid for children with disabilities, and the logistical hurdles of navigating our healthcare system. I now recognize my inner strength as we continue to journey through this experience.
My mission is to share the insights I’ve gained with other families who find themselves in similar situations. I want to empower others with the knowledge I wish I had when we began this journey.
For more on parenting and navigating these challenges, check out this other blog post. Additionally, for comprehensive information on home insemination, visit this resource on intrauterine insemination.
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In summary, my son’s mental health journey has transformed the way I view community and support. While the challenges we face are immense, the strength and resilience we gain are equally powerful. I am committed to advocating for other families and sharing the wisdom I’ve gathered along the way.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Mental Health Support
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