Empathy Matters
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It shouldn’t be a challenge to recognize that some children (and adults) require accommodations. Over the past year, I’ve come to realize that many people have a preconceived notion of what autistic individuals should look like. Even though my daughter exhibits the most “typical” traits of autism, I often find people shocked when I mention her diagnosis.
This realization hit me during a recent visit to the doctor. My daughter was making happy squeals—a common behavior for her that I find adorable. While I am mindful of the noise level in settings like a doctor’s office, I am also aware that her joyful sounds might disturb others. I try to guide her to express her emotions in quieter ways, but sometimes that doesn’t work.
My doctor was unfazed by the commotion, assuring me, “Don’t worry about it. She’s not bothering me.” This calmness was a relief for me as a parent of a child whose behavior often draws unwanted attention. I appreciated his understanding and relaxed into the moment. However, the nurse seemed to have a different reaction.
Ignoring the big smile on my daughter’s face and only focusing on her sounds, the nurse remarked, “Someone doesn’t sound happy,” and instructed her to use an inside voice. I let it slide, but when she offered a sticker as a way to encourage my daughter to say “please” and make eye contact, I reached my limit.
I informed the nurse that my daughter is autistic and that her approach was inappropriate. She apologized and tried to switch to a friendlier tone as we left, but it infuriated me that I had to disclose my daughter’s diagnosis for her to show any empathy.
It shouldn’t be so hard to understand that some people need accommodations. Even more troubling is the assumption that any “normal-looking” child is neurotypical. We must remember that autism and other disabilities do not have a specific appearance; believing otherwise perpetuates ableism and discrimination against the autistic community.
My daughter might display behaviors like kicking or pinching when she’s frustrated. While some may see this as “bad” behavior, it’s crucial to understand that she is struggling to communicate her feelings. These actions are her way of self-regulating. They may not be ideal, but we are working on it.
Too many people fail to recognize that behavior itself is a form of communication. For nonverbal autistic individuals, their reactions to situations are how they convey their needs and emotions. We wouldn’t deprive a neurotypical child of their words during a meltdown, and the same respect should be extended to autistic children.
The judgmental glances, unsolicited parenting advice, and scornful comments from those who lack understanding are unhelpful. Apologizing with remarks like, “Sorry, I didn’t know,” doesn’t cut it either. People shouldn’t need to know a child’s diagnosis to simply show kindness and respect.
I’ve stopped making excuses for my daughter. It doesn’t serve her or me; it only appeases those who judge us. This has also helped my daughter feel more secure in social situations, which is what I truly want for her.
When she expresses her joy through squeals or paces while flapping and humming, my heart swells. These moments are valid and beautiful, even if they look different to others. My daughter is doing her best, and that is more than enough.
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Summary:
This article discusses the misunderstandings surrounding autism and the challenges faced by parents of autistic children in conveying their needs. It highlights the importance of empathy and understanding, regardless of whether one is aware of a child’s diagnosis. The author emphasizes that behavior is a form of communication and that societal judgments can be harmful. Ultimately, the message is that kindness and acceptance should not depend on knowledge of an individual’s condition.
Keyphrase: autism awareness and empathy
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