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October is a vibrant month filled with pink ribbons, pumpkins, and the beauty of autumn. It’s my favorite time of the year, symbolizing a fresh start and a time for reflection. As we transition into this season, I feel compelled to share my journey out of a dark period that lasted far too long. Sometimes, it takes a painful experience to help us realize the importance of awareness—especially when it comes to issues like domestic violence.
Since 1978, October has been designated as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, shining a light on various forms of abuse that can occur within relationships. Whether it’s emotional, financial, physical, or verbal, every type of domestic violence is unacceptable. Your partner might belittle you or instill fear without ever laying a hand on you, but that does not diminish the reality of the abuse. I didn’t understand this for a long time.
For many years, I believed that my challenging relationship was merely a phase. I thought that feeling anxious every time I was around my partner didn’t equate to abuse. Unfortunately, I was wrong. If you’ve ever questioned whether your experiences are normal or if other relationships feel this way, let me reassure you: No, it’s not just you.
Understanding Emotional and Verbal Abuse
Promises of “this will be the last time” often come from abusers, but they are empty words. My partner claimed he would change, yet the cycle of verbal insults continued without any physical violence. It was confusing; if only he had hit me, the situation might have felt clearer, but because he didn’t, I convinced myself I was overreacting. I often thought that others had it worse than I did.
It took time for me to understand that domestic violence manifests in various ways. Just because there are no physical scars doesn’t mean you aren’t being hurt. My partner frequently replaced my name with derogatory terms, all while displaying this behavior in front of our child. Statements like “Bitch, your child is hungry” or “Maybe if you moved your fat ass more, you wouldn’t feel so tired” became part of our daily interactions. Deep down, I knew these words were false, yet constant repetition can warp your self-perception, making you doubt your worth.
You Deserve Respect
It took me a long time to recognize that not every relationship is like mine. Disagreements and arguments are normal, but there’s a stark difference between healthy conflict and emotional manipulation. Disrespect and degradation are forms of domestic violence, not expressions of tough love. Abusers often isolate their partners, making it difficult to see the red flags that are so apparent to outsiders. My ex used to insist that friends and family had no place in our relationship, knowing that their views could expose the toxicity of our dynamic.
Regardless of the reasons your abuser gives for their behavior, no one deserves to be treated poorly. Emotional and verbal abuse is real, and it’s a valid reason to leave the relationship. You don’t need to suffer physical harm to prove that you are enduring domestic abuse. Your pain is genuine, and it matters, even if it’s not visible.
If you’re seeking help, resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide support.