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It’s true that kids often say the most amusing things, but what about the impact of what we say to them? In moments of frustration or fatigue, I’ve certainly uttered words that I later regretted. The abundance of parenting books suggests that none of us have all the answers. We sometimes find ourselves repeating phrases we grew up hearing, but not all of those messages were beneficial. It’s crucial to be more mindful of the guidance we provide to our children. Here are six common phrases we should stop using immediately.
Money
- “I’m not sure how we’ll pay for that.”
- “You just cost me [insert amount].”
- “I have to work to earn money for your needs.”
- “How much I earn is none of your business.”
Children are naturally inquisitive about finances and should learn to appreciate its value without internalizing adult worries. Money can provide security, but it shouldn’t be a source of anxiety for kids. According to Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, it’s important to avoid sharing financial stress that could overwhelm them. Instead, foster a healthy understanding of money as a means to meet needs, not a definition of worth.
Emotions
- “Stop crying.”
- “It’s not a big deal.”
- “You’ll be fine.”
- “Don’t act like a baby.”
- “Quit worrying.”
- “Just calm down.”
Telling a child to calm down when they’re upset rarely helps. Kids experience intense emotions but often lack the skills to express them. Karen R. Koenig, a licensed clinical social worker, points out that dismissing a child’s feelings can be damaging. Instead, we should validate their emotions, even when we don’t understand them. Remind them it’s okay to express their feelings and help them articulate what they’re experiencing.
Consent
- “Just give Grandma a hug.”
- “You must share.”
- “Always respect adults.”
- “You have to play with them; it’s rude not to.”
- “We only tease the ones we care about.”
Teaching children about consent is vital. They should feel empowered to control their own bodies and understand the importance of asking for permission before physical contact. By reinforcing their right to set boundaries, we prepare them to navigate relationships safely. Children are not obligated to be friends with everyone; it’s essential to respect their feelings.
Body Image
- “Finish everything on your plate.”
- “You’re getting a bit chubby; you should exercise more.”
- “I can’t eat that; I’m on a diet.”
Diet culture can negatively shape a child’s relationship with food and body image. Instead, we should emphasize that food is fuel and exercise should be enjoyable. Encourage healthy habits without shaming them for their choices. Model positive body image by focusing on what our bodies can do, rather than how they look.
Confidence
- “You can be anything you want.”
- “You’re so smart!”
- “Just try harder.”
- “You’re perfect as you are.”
- “Practice makes perfect.”
While it’s important to encourage children, we should avoid placing unrealistic expectations on them. Praise their efforts and creativity rather than focusing solely on achievements or grades. Failure is part of growth, and it’s important to teach them to embrace it rather than fear it.
Gendered Expectations
- “Toughen up; crying is for girls.”
- “Girls can’t do that.”
- “Is she your girlfriend?” (for boys with female friends)
- “When you get married…”
- “[Insert object] is for [insert gender].”
We must break free from outdated gender stereotypes. Allow children to explore their interests without imposing preconceived notions of what they should like or do based on their gender. Respect their self-identity and let them express themselves freely.
There are undoubtedly many other phrases we should reconsider in our parenting. We’re all human and make mistakes, but striving to be thoughtful in our communication with children is essential. If we say something we regret, it’s never too late to revisit the conversation and model humility, which can foster trust and respect.
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Summary
In summary, it’s crucial for parents to be mindful of the phrases they use around children. Phrases about money, emotions, consent, body image, confidence, and gender expectations can significantly impact a child’s development and self-esteem. By shifting our language and approach, we can foster a more supportive and understanding environment for our kids.
Keyphrase: Parenting communication
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