The Significance of Having Your Own Finances While Married

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Right before tying the knot, I had a conversation with the mother of a close friend. She recounted how her parents, who endured the Great Depression, were always very careful with money, and she believed they were not wealthy.

“When my grandmother passed away, my grandfather discovered over fifty thousand dollars in cash. She had stashed it in empty cereal boxes in the pantry, tucked between the mattress and box spring, and even hidden some in the freezer and behind artwork.”

Her grandmother was a stay-at-home mom, only occasionally baking for events. Her husband never questioned the small income she earned from her baking businesses. “She took care of him completely. He never cooked or cleaned, so he remained oblivious to her side earnings until he had to manage on his own. He appreciated her baking because it got her out of the house. I doubt he realized she was making more than just a few extra bucks.”

Perhaps her grandmother saved that money as a safety net, but my friend’s mother believed it was a backup plan for escaping her marriage if ever needed. “She always advised me to ensure I had my own money, and I remember thinking, ‘Gram, you don’t even have your own.’ I assumed it stemmed from her own lack of financial independence and a desire to spare me from the same fate.”

Another friend shared how her mother managed the household finances. Although her husband worked, she stayed home and had no income. When shopping for necessities or flowers for the garden, she would take cash from her husband and discreetly put the purchases on a credit card, ensuring he never saw the bills.

I’ve heard countless stories of women feeling trapped in their marriages due to financial dependency. My own mother recounted tales of her friends who felt similarly, contributing to her long-standing marriage.

When I got married, I disregarded these warnings. I placed my complete trust and empowerment in my husband, who was the primary breadwinner while I opted to stay home, a choice we both agreed upon.

It wasn’t until my divorce that I realized I hadn’t saved a single penny for myself. We shared a checking account, and I never contemplated what might happen in the event of a divorce or, heaven forbid, if he decided to leave with everything. Although my name was on the house and the accounts, I hadn’t earned any income for over thirteen years.

One night, as I faced the reality of my crumbling marriage, I read a true story about a woman who was entirely financially dependent on her husband. She endured unhappiness because of it, but when she took charge of her finances and began saving her own money, she felt empowered, which ultimately led to a new chapter in her life.

Initially, I thought, “This is overwhelming.” I had been financially reliant on my husband for so long that the thought of starting over was daunting. I considered sticking it out in my marriage simply because I feared independence.

But in that moment, I realized I needed to take control of my life and finances. I understand that having the means to save for oneself is a privilege, and not everyone has that opportunity. Creating a personal fund for emergencies doesn’t need to be driven by thoughts of separation, but rather as a means of empowerment.

Starting small can be the key. You don’t need to be consistent; even a little savings can serve as your safety net. Make sure you’re aware of your household finances—many women don’t even know where their money goes each month.

Having your own financial resources doesn’t have to involve deceit or hiding cash. It’s about understanding your budget, being aware of your expenses, and having a say in financial decisions.

You can begin by saving spare change, opening a personal savings account, or asking for contributions to that account as gifts. I started working from home, selling clothes I no longer wore, budgeting, and gradually watched my savings grow.

I firmly believe every married woman should have her own financial resources. One of my friends, who had two small children and was pursuing nursing school full-time, found herself abandoned by her husband. He canceled their credit cards, and they had to sell their home—one that wasn’t even in her name. Thankfully, her parents supported her, but many aren’t as fortunate.

When my marriage dissolved, I had to figure out how to support myself and find a home. If I had been saving for myself all along, I would have been far better prepared, more confident, and believed in my capabilities. Instead, I started from scratch when my relationship ended, and juggling that with everything else was incredibly tough.

Joint accounts and shared finances can work, but it’s essential to be aware of your financial situation. If possible, set aside some money just for you. This doesn’t have to be a “divorce fund”—think of it as your empowerment fund. Life can be unpredictable, and I never anticipated my marriage would end or that I would need to re-enter the workforce. It’s wiser to prepare and save when times are good than to scramble when circumstances change. I wouldn’t wish that stress on anyone.

For more insights on navigating financial independence, check out our other blog post here. Additionally, for those considering home insemination, this link offers valuable resources, and this is an excellent reference for pregnancy and home insemination.

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Summary:

This article emphasizes the importance of financial independence for married women, sharing personal stories and experiences that highlight how having your own money can provide empowerment and security. It encourages women to take small steps towards financial awareness and savings, fostering a sense of confidence and preparedness for any future challenges.

Keyphrase: financial independence for married women

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