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Last March, when the pandemic began, my partner started working from home, while I was already accustomed to remote work. Suddenly, we found ourselves together day in and day out. He attempted to set up a makeshift office in our closet, but our kids would dart in and out endlessly with questions or requests. Eventually, he settled at the dining table for half his workday. From that moment, parenting took center stage—we couldn’t switch it off.
With our kids learning from home and both of us working remotely, our parenting styles became more apparent. I typically managed the daytime routine, while my partner would engage with our children after work. We had a rhythm—until everything changed. The shift to remote work during the pandemic transformed our approach to parenting.
It seems that every parent I encounter has a distinct style compared to their partner. Much of this is influenced by our own upbringing, leading us to replicate what we know. In our case, I’m often the stricter one, while my partner embodies the fun parent. He readily drops everything to play outside, listen to kids’ (lengthy) stories about their Halloween costume ideas, or assist in crafting the perfect PB&J sandwich.
As the pandemic forced our family of six into constant proximity, our parenting shortcomings became more pronounced. I often found myself frustrated by how easily my partner got distracted by the kids’ requests, while he felt I should lighten up. I tend to be more authoritative, while he is open to negotiation. I don’t like to compromise, but he believes in keeping discussions open.
The kids lost the balance of school, extracurricular activities, and home life, leading to blurred lines between learning, playing, eating, and doing chores. We became the captains of a ship navigating chaotic waters, and co-captaining was challenging given our differing styles.
Over the past year and a half—can you believe it’s been that long?—we’ve had to adapt our parenting methods. Countless family meetings followed disputes over issues ranging from sharing iPad chargers to bigger problems like sibling conflicts. There were even moments when one child would dramatically declare their intention to run away.
In many ways, both of us had to learn to be more flexible. It was frustrating when kids neglected to do their chores, leaving dirty dishes around or laundry piled in baskets. One child even called for help instead of simply replacing the toilet paper. A barrage of new issues emerged, but thankfully, most were not detrimental to our overall family well-being. We’ve learned to take deep breaths and choose our battles wisely.
Being a type A personality, I realized I couldn’t tolerate the chaos of juggling everything at home indefinitely. So, I created charts—lots of them. Each child received a daily checklist that included music practice, academic work, virtual lessons, and chores. I also implemented a meal schedule, as it felt like the kids were constantly raiding the pantry.
The kids revolted against the new structure. Whenever I tried to introduce routine, they turned to their dad for extra snacks or help with school tasks during his work hours. He often caved, driving me up the wall. Kids thrive on order; they need predictability and for us to present a united front—otherwise, they might play us against each other.
Watching my partner patiently help our daughter untangle her earbuds for drum practice made me realize that while I excel at organizing, I needed to focus more on nurturing our relationships with our kids. He prioritizes connection, which is admirable. I’m pleased to say that I’ve managed to slow down and spend more one-on-one time with them, engaging in conversations and play.
Our contrasting parenting styles have brought about a newfound balance, especially now that we are eighteen months into this pandemic. While we continue to work from home, thankfully, three of our kids have returned to in-person schooling. At least we no longer have to juggle being both teachers and parents—because parenting alone is a full-time job.
Our four children are at different ages and stages, adding to the complexity. One child often insists on fairness, which we’ve explained isn’t always practical. A twelve-year-old shouldn’t be treated the same as an eight-year-old, for instance. As for privileges—like staying up late or having a cellphone—we’ve learned to support each other in reinforcing those differences. We discuss situations privately before addressing them together with the kids, ensuring we present a united front.
Pandemic parenting has pushed us to collaborate more closely and confront long-standing issues. We can no longer avoid discussing our different parenting philosophies since we’re constantly in “parenting mode.” Our differences can be beneficial, but sometimes we must align for the sake of family harmony.
Make no mistake; everything isn’t magically resolved. One child still forgets to restock the toilet paper, lies are still told, and arguments happen daily. This phase of our lives feels like a giant parenting experiment—but hopefully, we’re emerging as better parents because of it.
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