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Dear Home Insemination Kit,
My ex and I separated when our son, who is now eight, was just a toddler. Since then, he has only been around for a few hours each week, and now lives in another state. Lately, I’ve noticed that he’s trying to parent from a position of authority, despite not being involved in our son’s everyday life. For instance, our son is a picky eater, which I don’t mind, but his father insists on forcing him to try foods he knows he won’t eat, seemingly just because he can. My son recently mentioned that his dad won’t even let him have ice cream after his Happy Meal, which is a tradition we have.
Moreover, he has a parenting style that conflicts with mine. My son and I are very close and don’t often spend long periods apart. During a recent visit to his dad over the summer, he wouldn’t allow our son to stay with me if he felt homesick, insisting he needed to “toughen up.” That’s not how I believe parenting should work, and I tried to address it, but it only upset my son.
How can I communicate to my ex that he should ease up and stick to being the fun parent?
It seems your ex may realize he doesn’t spend enough time with your son and is trying to compensate for that by exerting authority during their limited interactions. He might be trying to establish himself as a parental figure, but it would be more beneficial for your son if they could simply enjoy their time together without pressure.
Unfortunately, you can’t control how your ex chooses to parent. Is he doing it wrong? Yes. Is it frustrating? Absolutely. But as long as his approach isn’t harmful, he has the right to parent as he sees fit.
You might consider having a private conversation with him about your concerns. Approach it during a time when you’re getting along, and frame it as a co-parenting strategy instead of an accusatory discussion. For example, you could say, “This is what works for us,” rather than “This is what you should do.”
The most important thing you can do is maintain consistency in your own home. Explain to your son that there may be different rules at his dad’s house, and that’s okay. He will feel more secure knowing that you’re not upset about these differences.
Choose your battles wisely with your ex, and think about whether addressing an issue is worth the potential fallout. Focus on being the best parent you can be during your time with your son. While it’s easier said than done, try to accept that your ex will have a different parenting style.
As divorce and family law expert Laura A. Wasser, Esq., states, “If you cannot adjust and adapt to the daily trials and tribulations, you are short-changing your child and yourself.” Remind yourself why you and your ex had a child together and aim to see the good in him, even when it’s challenging. Kids are resilient, and your son will learn to navigate the differences in parenting styles, especially if he perceives that you are not upset with his dad’s rules.
The high road may be difficult to take, and acceptance can be a bitter pill, but concentrate on what you can control — the environment you create at home for your son — and be grateful for the limited time he spends with his dad.
For more insights, check out this other post on our site, and if you’re looking for more information on home insemination, visit Make A Mom for expert advice.
Summary:
Navigating co-parenting with an ex can be challenging, especially when parenting styles clash. It’s important to maintain consistency in your own home while understanding that you cannot control how your ex chooses to parent. Communicate your concerns calmly and focus on providing a stable environment for your son. Kids are adaptable, and as long as they know you’re not upset about the differences, they will learn to adjust.
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