My Daughters Told Me Boys Were Peeking Under Their Dresses on the Playground

By: Alex Johnson
Updated: Oct. 6, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 6, 2021

You must teach your child about personal space, the importance of respecting others’ bodies, and why it’s inappropriate to look under someone else’s clothing. My six-year-old twin daughters are in first grade and adore wearing dresses. I often have to persuade them that pants can be just as stylish. Most of the time, they opt for dresses, but each morning we face a challenge: deciding which shorts they should wear underneath. I remind them how hot it will be with both shorts and a dress, and they counter with, “But Mommy, the boys look at our undies during recess!”

This revelation was surprising to me. One morning, my daughter was in tears because I wouldn’t allow her to wear shorts under her dress on a particularly warm day. “Aviah, why would you want to sit in class, without air conditioning, wearing both a dress and shorts? Why?” That’s when she confided, “Mommy, the boys look up our skirts when we play on the playground. When we do cartwheels and our dresses lift, they say, ‘I can see your underwear!’”

I took a moment to gather my thoughts before responding. Instead of reacting negatively, I asked, “Which shorts would you like to wear?” I realized it was crucial for my daughters to feel safe and secure, both on the playground and in school. These first-grade boys had made them feel uncomfortable during recess.

California-based sex education expert Julia Feldman, founder of Giving the Talk, emphasizes that as children gain independence, parents must guide them in understanding social dynamics. Kids often mimic what they see, and our society unfortunately offers numerous examples of inappropriate behavior that they might imitate.

Feldman points out that concepts like personal boundaries and bodily autonomy are often unclear to young children. They might think that adults can access their bodies freely, making it vital for parents to teach them about boundaries aligned with family values. Children absorb what we model, so being comfortable discussing our own bodies can help them communicate their needs effectively.

Starting Important Conversations

To start these important conversations, Feldman suggests exploring books by Jayneen Sanders, like “My Body! What I Say Goes!” and “No Means No!” If you’re uncertain about the right words to empower your children, she recommends using simple phrases like:

Stop
Please don’t touch me
I need some space
Leave me alone
My body belongs to me
That makes me uncomfortable
Please respect my privacy

Encourage your kids to express clearly what bothers them and what they need from others. As their primary supporter, equip them to stand up for themselves and assert their space. I am committed to giving my daughters the tools and language they need to ensure their safety. This recent incident reinforced my determination to advocate for their well-being.

Teaching children about safety and the importance of setting boundaries is essential. It’s equally vital to instruct them on respecting others’ bodies and privacy. The sooner we address these topics and answer their questions honestly, the better equipped they’ll be for the world around them. For more insights, check out this other blog post that explores similar themes. Also, for a deeper understanding of fertility, visit Make a Mom for reliable information. If you’re considering intrauterine insemination, this resource is an excellent guide.

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In summary, it’s crucial for parents to teach their children about personal space, boundaries, and respect for others. By fostering open communication and providing them with the right tools, we can help them navigate uncomfortable situations and promote a culture of safety and respect.

Keyphrase: teaching children about personal boundaries
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