When Your Teen Truly Dislikes School

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Parenting Insights

By Ellen Greene
Updated: Oct. 3, 2021

My son, always the social butterfly, thrived in elementary school. He was an average student with selective interests, like his passion for polar bear conservation during a climate change unit in first grade or his excitement about race car projects in shop class during high school. However, as he transitioned to middle school, even his vibrant social life couldn’t maintain his interest in academics. By the time he reached high school, I worried he might not graduate.

Each semester felt like a struggle for him. He loathed school with a fiery passion. The idea of sitting in class, listening to lectures, was unbearable. I found myself constantly meeting with his teachers to explore ways to help him navigate these challenging years.

We tried numerous strategies: he sat on yoga balls, participated in supported study halls, and I monitored his homework like a hawk. Yet, motivation eluded him. He expressed indifference towards his assignments, even admitting he didn’t care if he graduated. For years, I concealed my worries from friends and family, feeling like I was failing as a mother. I questioned why he couldn’t just push through the temporary discomfort of school.

Watching other kids excel and put effort into projects only intensified my concerns. My son, on the other hand, consistently took the easy route and seemed unconcerned about the outcomes. Eventually, I realized he simply wasn’t thriving in the traditional school environment. I shifted my approach: instead of nagging, I empathized. I shared my own lack of enthusiasm for school and acknowledged that I had different aspirations than he did.

During his sophomore year, he failed history and barely advanced to junior year. I kept my comments minimal, trusting he would do his best to navigate the challenges ahead. I hired a tutor and allowed him to take an after-school job, recognizing that school was a burden for him. Hovering only added to his stress.

As junior year began, he expressed a desire to graduate and promised he’d manage his responsibilities. I assured him I wouldn’t bring up his grades unless it was necessary. He felt understood, which lightened his burden. He scraped by in his junior year, but his happiness improved because I acknowledged the strain high school placed on him.

Our children possess diverse talents that may not manifest within the classroom, and it’s crucial to recognize this. Society often equates academic performance with success, but that isn’t the reality for everyone. We need to embrace each child’s unique strengths and weaknesses.

One summer, while getting my hair done by an incredible stylist, I learned about her journey. She had dropped out of high school, obtained her GED, and pursued her passion for hairstyling, ultimately opening a successful salon at 20. Her happiness was evident, proving that traditional schooling isn’t the only path to success.

While a high school education is undeniably valuable, many children struggle with the conventional school setting. It’s more common than we think, yet rarely discussed. My son did manage to complete his senior year, and I felt immense pride as he walked across the stage to receive his diploma. It was a tough journey, filled with challenges, but it didn’t define him or our parenting.

Summary:

Navigating a teen who despises school can be daunting for parents. By recognizing and empathizing with their struggles, you can foster a supportive environment that allows them to pursue their passions outside of traditional education. Embracing each child’s unique journey is essential, as success comes in many forms.

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