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A while back, the internet was abuzz about a reality show called Innocent Beginnings, featuring a couple who claimed they were saving everything for their wedding night. Not only were they holding off on intimacy, but they hadn’t even shared a kiss during their entire courtship. It seemed they were reserving every ounce of affection for the altar. The show captured their long-awaited moment, and while it was intended to be sweet, it felt more than a little unsettling.
After the officiant gave the signal, the bride launched herself at her new husband like a starved creature, attempting to devour his face. Though the kiss lasted a mere few seconds, the awkwardness was so intense that I felt the need to pray away the cringe factor. Kudos to the groom for not flinching away from her enthusiastic approach, and to the bride for diving in with no prior experience. If my first kiss had been caught on camera, the world would have witnessed an embarrassing 7th grader, complete with braces and pizza breath. It would have been a disaster.
I can’t fathom why anyone would want their first kiss immortalized for public viewing. The couple must have anticipated a range of reactions, and they certainly got them. Some viewers were entertained, while others, like me, were left mortified. Most watched long enough to see the two struggle through their first kiss, the bride a bit more eager than her partner. But if you catch the right footage, you see the glaring disparity in their experiences. The glowing bride claimed the kiss was absolutely worth the 27-year wait, while the groom looked bewildered, questioning, “Why is she kissing me? What?! This doesn’t feel right.” Not exactly a fairy tale ending.
As a mother, I know I should promote a more traditional viewpoint on chastity, but I feel the opposite: I want my sons to have plenty of safe sexual experiences before they say “I do.” Part of growing up involves understanding one’s own body and preferences. While masturbation is one way to explore, engaging with another person opens up a whole new realm of discovery. This exploration helps young adults learn not only about their sexual desires but also about who they are as individuals.
Imagine holding off until your wedding night, only to find that your expectations of intimacy don’t align with reality. Many people spend years planning their dream weddings, and while some details may change, the anticipation of that first moment together remains constant. What if that moment doesn’t live up to the hype? High hopes and inexperience could lead to a disappointing experience.
A single night does not define an entire sexual relationship, and it’s possible that any initial awkwardness could transform into a deeper connection. However, the risk remains: entering marriage as a virgin means hoping you and your partner are compatible in bed. But what if that chemistry is simply not there? What if you discover that your spouse is not as compatible as you thought? The possibilities for misalignment are endless.
This is why I encourage my sons to explore their sexuality before marriage. I don’t lecture them daily or slip notes into their lunches saying “Don’t be a virgin.” My aim is for them to understand themselves and their needs long before they walk down the aisle. Plus, what if they never marry? Should they live a celibate life?
Among the many concerns I have for my sons, their decision to wait for marriage isn’t at the top of the list. When I think about their futures and the love I want them to experience, I hope for it to be healthy and fulfilling. We all have our definitions of love, but isn’t that what we ultimately desire for our children?
If you’re interested in more insights on this topic, check out this blog post. And for those considering home insemination, Make a Mom is an authority on the subject. For additional resources on pregnancy and home insemination, Cleveland Clinic offers excellent information.