I’m Totally Okay With My Kids Being ‘Sensitive Souls’

When I tried to watch Home Alone last Christmas with my nine-year-old daughter and seven-year-old twins, I wasn’t prepared for the chaos that ensued a third of the way in. They were clambering into my lap, screaming in terror. The comedic premise of being left alone to fend off burglars while encountering a potentially scary old neighbor was simply too much for them, even after I reassured them that the old man was a helper. It’s not surprising, considering that the snow monster in Frozen and the adventures in Jumanji were also too intense for my sensitive little ones. What many might deem as family-friendly films often prove to be overwhelming for my scaredy-cats.

Growing up, I watched movies like Scooby-Doo, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, E.T., and Nightmare on Elm Street—classics that left their mark, if not a minor emotional scar, and nobody batted an eye. Now, as a parent, I wouldn’t dream of showing my kids the films I watched at their age; I have zero interest in dealing with nightmares. Even age-appropriate scary films are off the table. Last Halloween, we settled on Casper as our “spooky” movie.

When it comes to movies perceived as not scary, I still find myself explaining various scenes to my kids. Sometimes we just end up switching films altogether. I take full responsibility for the trauma I inadvertently inflicted on my eldest during The NeverEnding Story. How could I forget about that horse? Early childhood trauma does that to a person. Sorry, kid.

Some children are simply more sensitive than others, and it’s perfectly normal. Many struggle to differentiate between fiction and reality; they can’t shake the idea that the villain might actually pose a threat or that a parent could leave them or even die. Seriously, thanks Disney! Still, I underestimated how certain films like Toy Story or Lady and the Tramp could unsettle them.

Sierra Filucci, an executive parenting editor at Common Sense Media, notes that “grotesque faces or anything outside of the realm of relatable expressions can disturb children, while adults often overlook this.” Instead of dismissing a child’s fears by saying everything is alright, it’s crucial to validate their feelings. Just because we’re not scared doesn’t mean they aren’t. Telling them otherwise is a form of gaslighting. I’ve paused films to explain what’s coming next, assured them the character in peril will be okay, and pointed out the ridiculousness of their fears. Sometimes this helps us get through a tough scene; other times, we simply find a new movie.

Before selecting a film, I refer to Common Sense Media for guidance. Once we narrow down our choices, we watch the trailers multiple times to gauge the film’s tone. I read the descriptions to them and remind them that we can always stop the movie if they feel uncomfortable or scared.

Interestingly, my kids possess vivid imaginations. They thrive in games of hide-and-seek and spy adventures, often battling each other with pool noodles and engaging in complex Nerf Gun wars. My son loves to draw monsters and epic fight scenes, yet when it comes to seeing them on-screen, he wants no part of it. Despite having toy swords and ninja stars tucked under his bed, he’s quick to surrender when the action heats up in a movie.

Filiucci also mentions how surprising it can be for parents to identify what truly frightens their children. My son adored The Mandalorian series, filled with unusual creatures and blaster fights, so I thought Iron Man would be perfect as a first superhero flick. Nope. The “fighting was too much.” And compared to The Mandalorian, there was no adorable Grogu to ease the tension.

My daughters managed to sit through Iron Man by knowing that there were two sequels; this reassured them that Iron Man would survive. They’re open to watching the second movie, but my son would rather revisit the Paw Patrol film. That’s the kind of gentle, predictable story that captivates my kids—particularly my son—making it a challenge to agree on a film. Finding something I’m excited to watch with them is even harder. They lean towards movies like Air Bud, Space Jam, and Paw Patrol, and that’s perfectly fine.

Choosing a movie might take extra time and effort, but I’m in no rush to desensitize my kids. I don’t believe they should endure discomfort for the sake of entertainment. Research by Dr. Joanne Cantor and Dr. Kristen Harrison indicates that children who unintentionally watch frightening content, especially younger ones, are at a higher risk for lasting fright responses. They may experience crying, nausea, or clinginess. No, thank you!

I’d love to enjoy something with a bit more substance, but it’s not worth causing distress to my children for a deeper storyline. Honestly, it’s endearing that they aren’t ready for the films their peers may be watching. Their innocence will soon fade, so I’m completely fine with making family movie night enjoyable for my sensitive souls.

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In summary, I embrace my kids’ sensitivity and prioritize their emotional well-being over entertainment choices. As we navigate movie nights, I’m committed to creating a fun and safe environment that respects their feelings.

Keyphrase: parenting sensitive children

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