My Thoughts on Leaving a Freshman at College to ‘Tough It Out’

I find myself reminiscing about the days when my children were in elementary school. Just before the dismissal bell, a group of mothers would gather on the playground, chatting away. We discussed everything from the challenges of third-grade math to our deeper insecurities as parents. We were all trying to navigate this journey, second-guessing our choices. Was it too harsh to make our kids write out their spelling words multiple times? Was using a tablet for some quiet time wrong? When a bully poked our kid with a sharp pencil, was it inappropriate for a mother to fantasize about confronting him? What bonded us was our collective uncertainty about parenting, and none of us hesitated to voice it.

The only parents I found difficult were those with rigid beliefs. They had household rules that felt inflexible and often claimed, “I turned out fine, and I was spanked.” They were strict about things like their daughters not dating until they turned sixteen, which left me wondering why we were discussing the dating lives of children still losing baby teeth.

A few of these mothers managed to integrate into my circle, and I often wished we could have politely shown them the door due to their know-it-all attitudes. Instead, they lingered, making me doubt my own parenting choices. Why didn’t I enforce an 8 p.m. bedtime? Why wasn’t I requiring an hour of reading before snack time? Why didn’t I have a time-out chair?

Through many conversations with like-minded moms, I learned some essential truths:

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting;
Overly confident parents don’t necessarily know more than I do — they just believe they do;
I would never be completely certain if my parenting methods were right or wrong.

Ultimately, I had to trust my instincts and the advice of fellow moms.

Looking around, I see those unyielding parents still around. Their advice has evolved over the years, but their rigidity remains. They had all the answers years ago, so why would they change now? The one piece of advice I absolutely detest is the idea that you drop your child off at college and don’t see them again until Thanksgiving.

I understand the rationale: making freshmen disconnect from home is believed to help them adjust to their new environment. It’s seen as a way to prevent homesickness, which, apparently, is not an acceptable feeling after 18 years of familiarity.

Leaving a child at college can feel as risky as tossing a kid into a pool and expecting them to swim. Some manage to navigate just fine, while others struggle, and some may float but will always remember the trauma of being left to fend for themselves. If a child manages to dog-paddle to the pool’s edge, do the ends really justify the means? Aren’t there more tailored approaches to achieving the same outcome?

It’s unrealistic to think every child will flourish if you simply drop them off at college. I was one who thrived; I hopped out of the car, grabbed my bags, and excitedly headed to my new dorm. In contrast, my roommate felt abandoned by her parents, leading to a challenging adjustment period for her. We represent the extremes, but what about all the nuances in between?

It’s hard to know what emotional support a child needs as they embark on this first big adventure. My son has been gone for five weeks now, and his responses have varied from “Leave me alone!” to “Send more cookies!” His needs change frequently, and while we don’t always meet them, that’s okay. Anticipating every need is impossible; it’s essential to be adaptable and responsive to his cues.

Ultimately, there’s no single way to navigate the college experience. The best we can do is acknowledge our uncertainties and move forward.

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Summary:

Reflecting on the journey of parenting, especially the transition to college, reveals the emotional complexities involved. Each child is unique, and while some thrive with distance, others need more support. It’s crucial to embrace the uncertainties and adapt to each child’s needs during this significant life change.

Keyphrase: College transition for freshmen

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