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For nearly a week now, I’ve been off my medication, and my mental well-being is starting to decline. Yet, it’s not entirely negative. I’m in a manic phase, which means my sleep is limited, but my productivity is soaring. I’m tackling a mountain of emails daily and producing more than a dozen articles each week. Plus, I’ve shed some pounds and am exercising obsessively. The only thing racing faster than my feet is my mind, and I’m feeling euphoric. My mood is elevated, and I’m happier than a pig in mud. However, there’s a catch — I’m hearing voices again. Yes, I’m experiencing auditory hallucinations.
When people think of hallucinations, they often picture visual ones — like the child in ‘The Sixth Sense’ who sees spirits or Uncle Ben who goes to music festivals and indulges in psychedelics. But I don’t see anything. No lights, shapes, or figures. Instead, I hear voices — whispers from the past, present, and future. While that may sound concerning, it usually isn’t alarming in the moment. It’s akin to overhearing a conversation at the grocery store or listening to two friends, Sarah and Emily, chatting nearby.
My auditory experiences resemble a phone call without any devices. I’ve had imagined conversations with my therapist and psychiatrist in my mind and my bedroom. It feels like there’s a TV or radio playing in the background, one that only I can hear. Most of the time, I barely notice these conversations, as they feel as real and natural to me as my right arm.
Some of the voices are benign, merely annoying yet not threatening. Others offer insights, guiding my actions or feelings. Then there are the cold, critical voices that mock and belittle me. They are always present, whether supportive or antagonistic.
I understand this might sound irrational — and it is. I have a legitimate diagnosis of bipolar disorder with mixed moods. I also cope with PTSD and anxiety, which don’t directly cause hallucinations but lead me to engage in frantic internal dialogues. When these thoughts merge with my auditory hallucinations, it can become overwhelming, like standing in a crowded concert and struggling to focus on a single melody.
According to an article on Healthline, “Psychosis is a symptom of a condition, not a disorder. People experiencing psychosis may have hallucinations or delusions.” Individuals with bipolar disorder can experience psychotic symptoms, especially during severe manic or depressive episodes. I find that I hear these voices when I’m manic and typically when I’ve stopped taking my medication.
The silver lining is that my medication helps manage these voices. When I adhere to my treatment, I can quiet the mental chatter. However, stress can provoke their return, and during depressive states, I might neglect my medication. When I feel too low to care, I skip doses, opting for sleep over self-care, and mania often tricks me into thinking I don’t need my meds. I find myself in a continuous battle, cycling through these phases while engaging in conversations with inanimate objects like my bedding, pillows, and walls.
Healthline also notes that “Psychosis in bipolar disorder can happen during manic or depressive episodes, but it’s more common during episodes of mania.” Many believe psychosis is a sudden break from reality, but it usually develops gradually, often triggered by sleep deprivation, fluctuating hormone levels, or other factors.
Despite the challenges, I continue to fight. While I’m currently off my meds, I remain committed to maintaining my mental health for as long as I can. Sometimes the voices feel like my adversaries, but at other times, they seem like my oldest companions. For additional insights on navigating these experiences, you might find this blog post helpful.
Summary
Living with bipolar disorder can lead to auditory hallucinations, especially during manic episodes or when off medication. These voices can vary from benign to critical and often blend with anxiety-driven thoughts. While the experience can be overwhelming, medication typically helps manage symptoms.
Keyphrase: Bipolar Hallucinations
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