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My husband is set to deploy for the first time soon. As a military family, we’ve faced separations before—eight months here, four months there, a few weeks, and a month. Thankfully, his role has kept him stateside, just a time zone or two away. We’ve been apart, but never like this.
This time, it’s not a training exercise or a short mission; he’ll be boarding a plane and I won’t see him for nine months. He’ll lace up his boots, pack his gear, and rise before dawn to catch the C-17 that will take him far away, where our schedules will hardly sync.
While his job isn’t combat-related and his deployment is relatively safe, I understand how fortunate I am that I don’t have to worry about his safety daily. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel sad, and I do. I’ll miss him tremendously and the thought of single-handedly managing parenting for months ahead is daunting.
We’ve tackled this before, and I’ve handled it like a champ, as any mom would. We keep things simple when he’s away—less elaborate dinners mean fewer dishes, and without his uniforms piling up, laundry feels manageable. My kids and I find our rhythm without Daddy, and we adapt. They’re fantastic, and I’m resourceful. We make it work.
Yet, there are logistical challenges that create stress. I’m not always great at organizing tasks like lawn care and pest control. It’s not that I can’t, but it adds to my already full plate. We’ll prepare everything before he leaves, but I still worry about forgetting something crucial.
The emotional toll of deployment is the hardest part. I live with anxiety, and while medication keeps me stable, my husband is my anchor. When he’s gone, I’ll have to rely on less effective coping strategies, which will be difficult. I’ll try to make special occasions feel special, but I know my kids will miss him terribly. Their dad is the type who never misses a moment, and while I know they’ll be okay, witnessing their sadness will break my heart.
It pains me to think of how much he’ll miss us too. He’ll be in a foreign land, away from home and family, missing everything. One of our kids is at a crucial developmental stage and will change significantly while he’s gone. I can’t bear the thought of him returning to a child who’s grown in his absence.
I understand that my challenges, while tough, are nowhere near the struggles faced by those whose spouses are in danger or who have lost their partners. I don’t intend to compare my experience to theirs, as each situation carries its weight.
We won’t be in mourning during his deployment; our family will continue on as we always do. However, there will be an undercurrent of anxiety until he returns and life feels normal again. We may not need the same level of support as families facing more dire circumstances, but we will certainly appreciate understanding and kindness during this time.
As the saying goes, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Like countless military spouses before me, I’ll step up and do what needs to be done while my husband fulfills his duty. My kids will go to school, laugh, and play, and we will manage. But at times, it will be challenging. I hope that those around us can provide a little grace and not add to our struggles.
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Summary
This article reflects on the emotional and logistical challenges of a military spouse facing a long deployment. The author shares personal experiences of managing parenting alone and coping with the absence of her partner. The piece emphasizes the importance of kindness and understanding during difficult times, recognizing that while they may not face the same dangers as those in combat, the emotional weight of separation is still significant.
Keyphrase: deployment challenges for military families
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