My Tween Is Feeling Left Out Because Her Friends Are Obsessed With TikTok

Tears streamed down her face. One moment, she was content, sharing stories about her day at school. The next, she expressed how lonely she felt around some of the other girls in her class. When I probed further, she revealed that all they talked about were TikTok videos—something she had no clue about.

My tween owns a cell phone, but we’ve chosen not to allow social media. She primarily uses her phone for texting, setting alarms, and enjoying music. She’s shown impressive responsibility with her device, often notifying us of anything inappropriate and adhering to our guidelines. It’s not her fault. We remind her, “It’s not you, it’s them”—referring to social media, strangers online, and immature peers who lack boundaries.

I’ll admit, we are quite strict as parents. As a writer, I frequently encounter negativity online, including harsh comments and unkind emails. I can handle that, but I am fiercely protective of my children against bullying and what we consider unsuitable content. While I enjoy TikTok and occasionally share my own clips, I recognize that social media can be an overwhelming experience for young kids.

Moreover, we prioritize family time, relaxation, physical activities, and even good old-fashioned reading. My tween has mentioned that many of her friends often eat alone, opting to scroll through their phones instead of engaging in conversations. While some content is harmless, there’s also material that is inappropriate for twelve-year-olds.

During school, the girls talk endlessly about their favorite TikTok clips—none of which my daughter has seen. Without their phones during school hours, they can’t share videos, leading to a one-sided conversation that leaves her feeling excluded. I empathize with her; middle school is a time when fitting in feels crucial.

When I asked how this affected her, she expressed annoyance and sadness. She feels left out but also thinks they should diversify their conversation topics, as discussing the same thing repeatedly gets dull. She even remarked, “Why can’t they just read a book sometimes?” (Proud mom moment here!)

My tween is unique; she enjoys reading, learning, and even baking. Watching her whip up new recipes is a joy. Unlike many of her peers, she isn’t preoccupied with makeup or romantic interests, and she’s never once asked us for social media access.

I get it—technology is an integral part of modern life. I spend my share of time online too. But as an adult, I possess the critical thinking skills necessary to navigate the digital world. Kids, however, are still developing these abilities and don’t need platforms like Instagram or TikTok to foster them.

While she is aware of her appearance, she isn’t as focused on it as some friends. She doesn’t chase the ideal selfie or spend time editing her photos to fit a certain standard. I have no issue with a nice angle or a cute outfit, but when every image is digitally manipulated, it creates unrealistic expectations.

Women often spend years reconciling with their bodies, learning to love themselves despite imperfections. I can’t shield my children from all insecurities, but I can limit their exposure to social media’s unrealistic portrayals.

I want my children to invest their time in personal growth rather than seeking validation through likes and comments. I hope social media becomes a tool for them to connect meaningfully with others, rather than a source of idolization or self-alteration.

Call me old-fashioned; I’m fine with it. Many parents express frustration over their kids and social media, and I see no reason to thrust my child into an environment that may be more harmful than beneficial. As adults, we’ve learned to avoid toxic situations, and, to me, social media is increasingly toxic, especially for tweens.

I encourage my daughter to text but also to nurture face-to-face relationships. I want her to develop healthy connections with herself and her peers. Above all, I want her to thrive without tying her self-worth to the approval of others.

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Summary:

A concerned parent shares their experience with their tween feeling excluded due to friends’ obsession with TikTok. The parent highlights their strict approach to social media, emphasizing the importance of real-life interactions, family time, and self-worth without digital validation. The article discusses the challenges of navigating peer pressure in the digital age while prioritizing healthy relationships and personal growth.

Keyphrase: Tween feeling left out due to TikTok obsession

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