My Fourth Child Has Become a Selective Eater—And I Regret My Previous Judgments

I used to be the parent who couldn’t fathom why others lamented about picky eaters. My belief was that my kids would eat what I prepared for them, or they simply wouldn’t eat. I wasn’t about to be a short-order cook; I always provided reasonable options, including two vegetables at each meal. I thought I was being fair—if you detest broccoli to the point of almost gagging, I’d gladly whip up some carrots instead.

Life was orderly until my fourth child came along. As a baby, she was the typical easy eater—bottles were no problem, and she sampled baby food without any fuss. But then she entered the stubborn toddler phase, which I had navigated with my older three, and suddenly, food was flying onto the floor or being flat-out rejected. I initially dismissed it as just a phase, until it became clear that this was more than that. Now, I owe an apology to all those parents I scoffed at; my previous judgments were entirely unfair.

In our household, we strive to prepare meals that everyone enjoys. We even devised a meal and snack schedule based on our kids’ preferences and any food allergies. With six family members, we aim to avoid wasting time and money on meals that go uneaten. We created a list that has helped most of us, except for my youngest.

As the youngest, she is a bit spoiled—I’ll admit that. Being our last child, I find it harder to say “no” to her as firmly as I did with her older siblings. My husband and her three older siblings also indulge her a bit too much, making it difficult for us to resist her charms.

Unfortunately, as she has grown, her pickiness has escalated. She turns her nose up at nearly all meats, many of the fruits and vegetables we typically serve, beans, anything she considers “too spicy,” and much more. I refuse to offer her just her five favorite foods on repeat, which mainly consist of melon, popcorn, and chocolate desserts—not exactly the healthiest options.

With only a year until she starts kindergarten, I know I need to address her selectiveness. This brings me to the questions I frequently see in parenting groups: how do you encourage kids to eat more than just a few select foods? I’m not referring to children with sensory issues or special needs, but to the typically developing kids who are just stubborn.

Of course, I don’t plan to impose any harmful eating standards on her. We don’t enforce a “clean your plate” rule or shame them for leaving food, because we all know that approach rarely works. I also refuse to resort to sneaking vegetable purees into junk food, as I’m just as stubborn as my daughter.

Not only is she a picky eater, but she’s also a slow one. Imagine a great-grandma leisurely enjoying her dinner—that’s her. Her attention is often diverted by her siblings’ antics and conversations (she has a serious case of FOMO), making eating less of a priority. She’s more interested in hearing the latest gossip than focusing on her meal.

At this point, I’m unsure how to tackle her eating habits. While she maintains a healthy weight and height, I despise food battles and refuse to resort to tactics like threats, sticker charts, or “eat a few more bites for dessert.”

This experience has truly resonated with me. As parents, we should never say “never.” We’ve all made those declarations—like never co-sleeping or never giving in to a pacifier. But until you have that one child who tests every boundary, you have no idea what you’ll actually do.

Right now, I simply offer my daughter healthy options. If she’s not interested, that’s okay. Those healthy choices will still be available at the next meal or snack time. I’ve learned to let go of the drama. After all, she’s growing and healthy; I have better things to do than beg her to take a few bites of her food.

I also remember hating certain foods as a child—my aversions stemmed from sensory issues. I gagged on things like pineapple and meat, which left my parents frustrated. This was long before we had the knowledge about sensory processing disorder and feeding therapies. Even though my parents didn’t enforce a clean plate rule, I still felt embarrassed and anxious about foods that were tough for me to handle. If this is the case for my daughter as well, I don’t want to add any stress to our mealtime.

I’m not allowing her to live on crackers and soda, so I must be doing something right, right? If she has only an apple for lunch one day, so be it. Does my inner health enthusiast cringe at the lack of protein or healthy fats? Yes. However, I refuse to let her pickiness get under my skin to the point of imposing toxic food habits or body image issues on her. Women already have enough to deal with in that regard. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s dinnertime, and I suspect she won’t be eating most of what’s on the table.

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Summary:

In this reflective piece, Emily Thompson discusses her journey as a parent of a picky eater, specifically her youngest child. Initially dismissive of other parents’ concerns about selective eating, she finds herself facing the same challenges. Emily shares her experiences with meal planning, the impact of sibling dynamics, and her approach to fostering a healthy relationship with food without imposing unhealthy standards. Ultimately, she embraces the idea of offering healthy options while letting her daughter make her own choices, all while recognizing the complexities of childhood eating behaviors.

Keyphrase: Picky eater parenting

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