The Shift from “Mommy” to “Mom” is Tough, But the Change from “Daddy” to “Dad” is Even Tougher for Me

Parenting

The Shift from “Mommy” to “Mom” is Tough, But the Change from “Daddy” to “Dad” is Even Tougher for Me

by Jamie Taylor

Updated: Sep. 12, 2021

Originally Published: Sep. 12, 2021

One moment I was “mommy,” and the next, I found myself being called “mom.” The transition was abrupt—almost as if it came out of nowhere.

Well, almost. My 11-year-old had been gradually moving away from “mommy” in front of her friends for a while, yet at home, she still clung to it, often looking disappointed in herself. She confided that “mommy” felt childish, and she preferred “mom.” I reassured her that she could call me whatever felt right.

In contrast, my 9-year-old had always firmly identified me as “mommy.” At least, that’s what I thought.

Then, one August day, they returned from camp, and within minutes, the transformation began.

“Mom, can I have some water?” my 11-year-old asked.

“Mom, do you have any snacks?” chimed in my 9-year-old.

The word felt strange to my ears. They sounded different, older. With the shift from “mommy” to “mom,” it was as if they had taken a giant leap into their teenage years. More times than I’d like to admit, I find myself momentarily confused when they call out for “mom.”

Even though I had mentally prepared for my 11-year-old’s change from “mommy” to “mom,” I was caught off guard by the sorrow that came with letting go of “mommy.” I realized how much I would miss hearing their little voices say “mommy.” I suspect this sadness is something all mothers experience, a twinge that arises each time our children shed a bit of their innocence and move toward a life that doesn’t require us as directly as before. I’ll miss being “mommy” just like I miss those moments of carrying a drowsy toddler to bed or playing peek-a-boo to elicit giggles from an infant. I wish I had taken note of the last time they called me “mommy,” to etch that moment in my memory. But I didn’t, and it’s now lost to the realm of “lasts.”

Simultaneously, my husband transitioned to being “dad.” It’s not surprising; “daddy” carries the same youthful connotation as “mommy.” But the first time I heard my daughter say “dad” instead of “daddy,” it felt like a punch to the gut.

Because he passed away three and a half years ago, and when he left us, he was still “daddy.” The last time the kids called for him, it was with “daddy.” During the heartfelt speech my daughter gave at his funeral, she moved everyone to tears when she said, “my daddy played basketball with me.” In all the letters, birthday cards, and Father’s Day messages tucked away in our memory box, he has always been “daddy.”

He will never hear them call him “dad.” They will never get to look him in the eye and say “dad,” nor will he get the chance to pretend that he doesn’t miss being “daddy” as much as I miss being “mommy.” We won’t share knowing glances across the dinner table as we see our children, who once fit in our arms, now navigating their tween years, rolling their eyes at their “mom” and “dad.”

This change serves as a stark reminder of his absence—not just for this milestone but for all the significant moments that lie ahead.

Yet, as my heart ached at the thought of “daddy” becoming “dad,” it also felt a warmth. His role in their lives evolved, just as mine did, even in his absence. It’s a testament that he remains a part of our journey. We often say he’s with us, but this change provides tangible evidence of that presence. It’s a comfort that softens the sharp edges of my grief, if only a little.

Watching my kids grow into their vibrant personalities, making me laugh and impressing me with their smarts, is exhilarating. But it’s also tinged with bittersweetness, as there’s no way to rewind time or pause for just a moment.

This bittersweetness is amplified by the fact that my husband, now “dad,” isn’t here to experience these changes with me. At least I have this proof that he is still with us in some way, accompanying us on this journey, no matter how many milestones we reach.

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Summary:

The transition from “mommy” to “mom” can be challenging for mothers, especially when it signifies their children’s growth and loss of innocence. This author grapples with the sorrow of her children calling her “mom” instead of “mommy” while simultaneously confronting the heartbreak of her husband’s death and the shift from “daddy” to “dad.” Despite the bittersweet nature of these changes, there’s a comforting realization that their father’s presence remains in their lives, evolving along with them.

Keyphrase:

Transition from Mommy to Mom

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