Rediscovering Myself Through Two Years of Dating After a Decade of Marriage

I never envisioned myself going through a divorce. My goal was never to be in an unhappy marriage. Despite once enjoying the thrill of dating, I found myself reluctant to return to that world.

I married young, following a childhood filled with trauma, which left me with a distorted sense of self. I had only known one version of myself—someone molded by external circumstances, often acting as a support for others. When I entered my twenties, instead of exploring my true identity, I married someone who had a solid sense of self. His clarity allowed me to avoid confronting my own needs and desires. I realized I was searching for love externally rather than cultivating it within myself.

As time passed, my husband and I grew and changed. We soon discovered how incompatible we had become. My journey toward public healing made him uncomfortable, leading to escalating conflicts. We sought therapy multiple times, but it became clear that our differences were irreconcilable, ultimately resulting in our divorce.

Initially, I wasn’t ready to dive back into dating. I wanted to take my time, fearing that rushing into relationships had led me to divorce in the first place. I understood the importance of taking the time to learn self-love and address my past traumas.

However, a few weeks after moving out, a friend pushed me to try Bumble. I was intrigued by the excitement of meeting new people and engaging in light flirting after a long hiatus. But when I encountered profiles like my ex-husband’s, it hit me that I wasn’t interested in a man who could be summed up in a few lines. I craved connection with someone who could add depth to my own life, not a simplified version of a person.

It took several awkward experiences on dating apps for me to grasp that online dating wasn’t for me. I love understanding people in all their complexities—their dreams, flaws, energy, and vibe. I have no specific type and few rigid standards for my partners. Online dating tends to showcase curated personas, which doesn’t align with what I truly want.

Through these ‘less-than-perfect’ dates, I realized I desired something genuine and raw. I longed for a partner who would challenge me, share my beliefs, and respect our individual spaces. I wanted a meet-cute straight out of a romantic comedy.

Once I recognized and embraced these desires within myself, I found several promising connections. Each date brought me closer to my ideal relationship because I was clear about what I wanted and deserved.

Interestingly, it’s been two years, and I’m not remarried or in a long-term relationship. At one point, I might have viewed this as a failure, but I have come to understand that true success lies in loving and accepting myself.

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In summary, my journey through two years of dating has taught me more about myself than nearly a decade of marriage. Embracing my individuality and understanding what I truly desire has led to personal growth and fulfillment.

Keyphrase: Self-discovery through dating

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