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Parenting
By Julia Stone
Updated: Jan. 22, 2021
Originally Published: July 21, 2017
We’ve all faced those moments as parents when we ask our children repeatedly to do something, only to find them lost in their own world, be it a book or an iPad. After a few attempts, they may finally respond, but often with a snappy attitude, as if our simple request is the greatest injustice they’ve encountered.
In these situations, it’s easy to become frustrated, especially since it’s not just this one instance but a cumulative effect of similar encounters over the past week or month. As our patience wears thin, we may find ourselves raising our voices and making accusations, leading to a heated exchange that leaves everyone feeling upset and misunderstood.
Let’s be honest: Parenting is no walk in the park. It can be one of the most challenging and thankless jobs. However, it’s essential to remember that childhood can be equally tough. Regardless of our parenting style—strict or lenient—every parent knows that children often feel like they are not being understood or listened to, and that can lead to frustration on both sides.
Children haven’t yet developed the skills to manage their emotions and impulses, which is a natural part of their growth. But there are ways we can communicate with them that might ease the chaos of family life. It’s crucial for us to guide our children without turning every conversation into a confrontation. We must help them learn responsibility and emotional control, which starts with us managing our responses as well.
I am always searching for practical tips that allow me to raise my children in a compassionate yet assertive way. That’s why I found a recent viral meme particularly enlightening. Shared by the Gottman Institute, the meme titled “Instead of That, Say This,” created by Dr. Emily Hart, a psychologist based in Ontario, provides insightful advice about how small changes in our language can significantly enhance our communication with our kids.
The essence of the meme is that while we often believe we’re being direct and helpful, we might not be considering how our words affect our children. For instance, instead of asking, “What were you thinking?” when our child misbehaves, we could say, “I’m here to help you with this.” This alters the tone from one of accusation to one of support and guidance.
Moreover, it’s not just about the words we choose; our demeanor and body language matter too. I’ve caught myself pacing around the house in frustration, gritting my teeth, and even rolling my eyes at my kids. This meme encourages parents to shift from negative body language to something more positive, like offering a gentle touch or a warm smile.
I had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Hart about her meme and her philosophy on parenting. According to her, “The most vital source of power we have as parents is fostering trust with our children.” This trust allows us to guide them effectively through life’s challenges. It’s fascinating to think that our parenting approach can shape their brains and self-perceptions.
However, this responsibility can feel overwhelming. Dr. Hart advises that the key lies in nurturing our connections with our children. “Discipline should be about connecting rather than disconnecting,” she notes. It’s equally important for us to work on our reactions to cultivate a calm and understanding environment.
Let’s face it; changing our behavior is often the hardest part of parenting. We don’t need to be perfect to be effective. Small adjustments in our language and perspective can lead to a more harmonious household. I’ve found that when I make an effort to genuinely connect with my kids, especially during discipline moments, the atmosphere in our home drastically improves.
For those interested in exploring more about family dynamics, consider checking out this at-home insemination kit or visiting Modern Family Blog for additional insights on parenting. For a deeper understanding of the subject, the Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation is an excellent resource.
In summary, our communication style with our children holds significant weight in their development and our relationship. By modifying our words and approach, we can foster understanding and connection, ultimately making parenting a more rewarding journey.